The breeze wafted gently through the trees. Blake and I ate a delightful banquet in the meadow just beyond his ranch house. The land has been cleared except for trees that surround it. There is a tiny creek that runs along the meadow. The music made by the creek sounds mixes with birdsong, and some tiny tree frogs. I also hear buzzzing of bees, and a squirrel chattering a lecture to her children.
I am so very grateful that Blake is well again. He is still weakened from his near death experience. He tires easily, but each day brings a little more health to my beloved.
Blake kisses me lots now. It is both wonderful and awful. Wonderful because the feel of his beautiful lips on mine chases away all reason. His kisses invite me to hold and be held. Yet they also bring the natural desire to go beyond kissing.
I'm in awe of the control that Blake has over his physical desire for intimacy. It sometimes seems as though he is made of iron as he resists the natural human lusts.
Sigh...I determined to write only positive things tonight so I'm going to draw my mind back from the negative abyss.
Jamie....today he called me "Maman." I love that boy with fullness of heart. He's growing so quickly. He runs everywhere and climbs like a monkey. I just wish....oh there I go again. I must accept my life as it is right now and be content.
Eric...ah my Eric. He throws his arms around me, kisses me on the cheek, and says, "Maman, I missed you Maman. Everytime that I have to be away from you I miss you Maman."
These boys bring me total and unlimited joy. Watching them grow, change, and develop is the richest blessing of my life.
Red, is my brother. While we worked together side by side to save Blake's life our familial love grew. I am so grateful that I now have a brother again. Red does not replace my brother who is buried at sea but just as one brother does not replace the other, Red gives me the joy of having a brother who is alive!
I tease Red a lot about dating. He just doesn't do it. He says, "I loved my Ruthie, and my Angela daughter. When they died a large part of me died as well. I can't love like that ever again Celeste. Besides Ruthie and Angela are waiting for me, so why do I need another marriage?"
I hug him and say, "There are so many wonderful women in the world Red that would be grateful to have a man like you in their lives. Never, NEVER give up on love my beloved Reese."
Red then bows his head, blushes, and says, "Oh Celeste, go on with you!"
Well sleep is drawing me close, my pen is straying as I drift into slumber. Good-night!
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