Celeste's Journal

Blake came today.  White faced with fear he brought Jamie.  Jamie had blood all over him.  I couldn't tell at first if Blake was bleeding, or Jamie was bleeding...there was blood all over both of them.

Red was driving the wagon.  They stopped to have me go with them to Doc Stone's.  Jamie was not bleeding any more, thank heavens, but apparently he had wanted to be a big boy and cut some wood.  The ax was far too heavy for him.  He dropped the ax, blade side down, and it slid down his shin bone.  In one part of his leg the ax cut clear to the bone.

When we arrived at Doc Stone's, Eric stayed with Red.  Red had brought some food, and books, to entertain Eric while we got Jamie cared for.

Jamie was unconscious.  Blake was afraid that Jamie had lost so much blood that he was going to die.  Looking at Blake and Jamie the blood quantity covering them terrified me.

Dr. Stone took Jamie from Blake's arms.  He lifted him on to an examination table.  Blake had already taken off Jamie's pants...to expose the leg.  Blake had been applying pressure on the wound for the last hour.  Dr. Stone said, "You probably saved Jamie's life Blake.  How did you know to do that?"

"Red, he told me what to do."

Doc nodded at me.  "Celeste, will you please go to my stove and get hot water out of the reservoir?  I keep it hot all year long for just this purpose.  I need to clean the wound so that I can see exactly what I need to do."

Blake said, "I'll do that Doc.  I need to do something to keep me from thinking too deep right now.  I mean, is he going to have infection get in, is he going to be able to walk again, is he going to lose his leg?  Will the blood loss kill him?"

Dr. Stone put his arm around Blake's shoulders.  "One step at a time right now Blake.  Your step is to go get the boiling water.  Put it in my large pan on the wall and bring it in to me."

After Blake left Doc said to me, "Would you please go to the cupboard on the wall?  There are lots of clean rags there.  We need to keep the area of Jamie's leg repair as clean as possible."

Continuing Doc said, "Celeste, can you assist me with surgery?  Do you faint at the sight of blood, and other bodily things?"

Not hesitating I said, "I will do anything necessary to help Jamie.  He is my boy too you know."

Doc smiled softly at me.  "That is the reason that I asked.  Many times parents are too closely connected to their children to be able to face surgery.  On the other hand I have seen parents perform superhuman feats to save their children.  I just needed to make certain that you are one of the latter.  If you pass out, then I would have two patients on my hands.  I need to be able to focus all of my attention on Jamie's leg if we are to save it."

Blake came back with the boiling water.

Dr. Stone said, "Where are Red and Eric, Blake?"

"They are behind your house.  Red volunteered to keep Eric busy."

"Blake, I want you to go join them.  As Jamie's Father your connection is too close.  If you faint, or get sick it will be a problem for my focus on Jamie."

Blake said, "I will sit over here Doc.  Then if you need me I will be here."

Blake turned to me soberly and said, "What about you Cele?  Should you go outside?"

I kissed Blake gently on the cheek.  "I have lost so many people in my life Blake.  I lost my entire family in one week, and then I lost my daughter as well.  I will NOT lose this precious boy.  I will do whatever Doc needs, and I will be fine."

It felt like hours crawled by as Dr. Stone very, very carefully began to clean and diagnose exactly what he needed to do to repair Jamie's leg.

When Doc began the actual stitching Celeste felt a pinching pain between her shoulder blades.  Her nose itched but she did not dare to scratch it because she knew how important it was to keep her hands clean.

Dr. Stone only spoke once during the entire procedure.  "Blake, Celeste, I'm grateful that there is no muscle tissue missing.  In addition I will be able to stitch all of his leg.  There will be no part that does not have enough skin to cover the wound."

Skillfully Dr. Stone kept stitching, and swabbing, stitching, and swabbing some more.  Celeste began to think that she had died and gone to Hell.  She was in her personal Hell where she had to watch someone she loved  suffer.

At one point Jamie began to wake up.  Doc had already shown Celeste how to administer Ether so that Jamie would not awaken until Doc was finished.

It was two eternal hours later that Doc stood upright and stretched.  He smiled brightly.  "Blake, I can, with confidence, tell you that Jamie will heal completely.  In addition he will suffer no long term consequence from this injury.  His bone was not broken, the soft tissue of his leg was still intact, and there was enough skin to sew him up."

"I want to keep him here at my office until tomorrow just to watch and make certain that he doesn't start a fever.  All things working as we would pray you can come pick him up tomorrow afternoon."

"Then will come the hard part.  Jamie can NOT absolutely can NOT get up for at least a month.  It's necessary to make certain that none of the stitches are ripped open, or that he gets his leg dirty.  I think you may need some medicine to keep him from getting up too soon.  He's too young to understand that there would be serious consequences to him getting up too soon."

Blake and I sighed at the same time.  Both of us were thinking of the nightmarish ordeal of trying to keep a child slightly under the age of 2 still for an entire month.

Then Blake said, "Doc, you saved my child today.  If I have to sit on him for the next month, I promise that he will stay still."

Blake pulled a twenty dollar gold piece from his pocket and laid it on the counter top.

Dr. Stone retrieved it and slid it back into Blake's pocket.  "That is far too much Blake.  You always over pay me."

Blake frowned and took the gold piece out of his pocket.  "I do NOT over pay you.  Other people UNDER pay you!"

"Nevertheless...I will not take that much..."

Before Dr. Stone could say a word I snatched the gold piece from Blake.  "You are two of the most stubborn men that I have ever met.  Maybe that's why I love you both so much!  I will take the gold piece.  Some way or another I WILL pay Doc...maybe it will be in $20.00 worth of meals, and pies.  I do happen to know that Dr. Stone rarely eats a decent meal.  I think good, hearty meals to fatten him up would be better than a $20.00 gold piece."

Dr. Stone smiled, "I think this woman knows me a little too well, Blake.  What do you say Blake, deal?"

Blake kissed me on the cheek, and then reached his hand out to Dr. Stone, "Deal."

Celeste's Journal

After church today Blake, Red, and the boys, came and picked me up.  I went to the ranch with them, and we had an amazing luncheon outside on the porch.  I helped Red create the bounteous meal.  We had homemade bread, some croissants that I had made, several types of cheeses, meats, different types of pickles, (I make some pretty delicious dill pickles if I do say so myself,) green beans fresh from my garden, and for dessert Red's amazing double fudge cake.

Blake, Red, and I cleaned up afterwards while the boys played in the yard.  It's amazing to me that cleaning with Red and Blake is so much fun.  It doesn't seem like work at all.  Both of them tease me and I tease both of them, and we laugh lots, and I'm always amazed at how quickly the task goes.

When we were finished Blake took my hand.  Turning it over he kissed my palm gently.  "These hands work so very hard, mon chere.  How do you keep them so scrumptiously soft?"

I laughed, "It's most probably the unicorn oil that I massage them with morning and night?" 

"Unicorn oil?"  Blake and Red said in unison.

"Unicorn oil." I repeated.

"Where do you find this amazing stuff, I would like some for my hands.  Blake said with a grin."

"Oh, I'm sorry but I promised the good fairy that I would never divulge my source.  In the past people have hunted the unicorns almost to the point of extinction.  I'm certain that I could trust you, but the fairy doesn't always trust men."

"Fairy, unicorn oil?  Wow," Red exclaimed.  "I've been told that I kissed the blarney stone.  I didn't know that they had a blarney stone in France."

I laughed and kissed Red on the cheek.  "Red dear, in France we need no blarney stone to kiss.  We are all born with the gift of blarney."

Blake was still holding her hand.  "Red will you watch the boys while we go for a short walk?"

Red waved both of his hands, "Shoo, both of you.  The boys and I will take a lovely after dinner nap."

The sun was dappled-shining through the crimson, golden leaves of Autumn.  The air was warm but there was a subtle bite of crisper, cooler air in the afternoon's sunshine. 

We walked silently, hand in hand for a long time.  I enjoyed the feel of Blake's large, incredibly strong hand.  His hand was roughened from outdoor work.  His grip on my hand was firm, but gentle.  My fingers are long, tapering at the tips.  Her fingers were as long as Blake's.  Her palm was about twice as small as Blake's.

Suddenly Blake grinned and winked at me.  "First one to reach that huge boulder wins!"  He took off running. 

I wasted no time arguing.  Pulling up my skirts I ran with all of my power.  The air moving smoothly past my face as I ran.  This run reminded me of another race. 

In this memory race I was a child, and I was racing with my older brother.  I knew that his legs were far longer than mine but I was convinced that I could still beat him.  After all, it wasn't so much about the length of the legs, but about how quickly they could move.

Before my family left France I finally beat my brother at racing, one brilliant morning.  My brother grinned.  He seemed as happy as I was that I had beaten him.  "Hmmm Cele since when did you get so fast at running? he said with a bright grin on his face."

"Since I realized that my legs are shorter than yours but I'm faster than you are!"

I felt a huge grin on my face remembering the happy memory.  Picking up speed soon I was even with Blake, and then pulled ahead as I reached the boulder first.

"Really?  Really Cele?  I even cheated and got a head start and you can still beat me?  In a dress with gajillions of yards of fabric, and skinny little shoes that have virtually no sole, you can beat me?"

I felt an enormous smile break out on my face.  "Just remember Blake, I am now, and always will be faster than you!"

Blake growled, "Well you may be better than running than me Mademoiselle Benoit, but I am far stronger than you!"

Blake scooped me up into his arms and began tickling me along the ribs. 

I begged, "Stop Blake, stop....oh...ha ha...oh goodness, please Blake, STOP!

Blake did NOT stop for a long time.  Finally he put me down.  Taking my face in both of his hands he kissed me.  The kiss was hungry, and thirsty, it felt as though he wanted to kiss me all the way to my soul.

Finally he drew back.  "I suppose we should get back.  I can't imagine that Eric went to nap willingly, and I imagine that Red is getting frustrated."

Hand in hand we walked through the glory of the autumnal road.

Celeste's Journal

Last night was Halloween.  I don't care for this holiday.  Apparently it came from All Hallows Eve or some name like that in Europe.  In America it's a time that people think they are excused from normal civil behavior.  Blake told me about last year when Monsieur Hardy, an elderly old man that lives not far from Blake, was in his privy in the middle of the night.  He heard some laughs, and then the privy was tilted over.  The poor old man could not get out.  His leg was broken, and he lay amidst that stench, and horror for an entire day before Blake found him, and rescued him.  

Acts of mischief include, rotten egging, privy tipping, wagons have been tilted on their sides, wheels have been removed from wagons, or buggies, horses have had their manes, or tails cut off....cruel, malicious deeds such as this.  Oh, I forgot when somebody broke off the few headstones in our new cemetery.

I was awakened at about midnight, my heart pounding hard by several loud thumps against the front of my shop/home.  I have a large cane that Red carved for me to use to protect myself.  I put on my wrapper, picked up my cane and slowly, oh so quietly walked down the stairs to see what the noise was.

On the one hand, I felt like a fool to face this particular fear.  After all, what if it was a person that had a gun, and had broken in to rob me of the $100.00 I had put away in a safe place yesterday?  I don't usually keep money over night in my shop, but yesterday I was so exhausted, and Blake came and took me to dinner so I didn't get to the bank.

As I reached the bottom of the stairs I heard young male voices laughing, laughing loud and hard.  Taking a very long, deep breath I opened my front door and brandished my cane while I yelled, "Go away!!"

Three young boys, probably eleven years of age, scurried away like roaches when a lantern is lit.  I was left to survey the damage.  They had thrown eggs at my shop front.  Rotten eggs to judge by the stench.  That was hurtful but I've lived with worse...and then...there was the WORSE...written in something dark, maybe grease, shoe polish, or the black you use to polish your stove, GO AWAY WHORE!

I slid down, way down to the ground.  I sat there, on the ground, in my nightgown and wrapper and sobbed.  These were just young boys.  They probably did not even know what a Whore is!  They had to be taught by parents, parents who view me as vile, and worthy of their wrath.

I wanted to saddle up my horse and ride through the night to Blake, to Red, to the ranch.  At that moment my heart really, truly broke.  I have no right to ride to the Drifting Anchor Ranch.  Blake is NOT my fiancé, or husband.  I have dated Blake, and he has helped me to get a shop.  He has allowed me to love his boys, and help support them.  Still Blake is firmly planted in the past with his dead wives, and probably will never leave them.

I wiped my tears, and rather moist nose on my sleeve, stood up, and then stood tall.  I went into the kitchen, pulled out rags, and ammonia.  Then I went back outside and began cleaning the mess up.  I will NOT allow anyone else to see the message of hate.  I will NOT give in or give way.  I deserve to be here...in this country, in this city.  It took me most of the night to clean the mess.  Stove black...that is what they used to write...and it was almost impossible to remove.  I put "elbow grease," into the job (that's why Blake says sometimes to his hired workers doing a task, "Put some elbow grease into it."  Apparently it's an American phrase that means, work harder.

I did NOT want to open my shop this morning.  I wanted to climb back into my soft, inviting bed.  Instead I washed myself, dressed myself, ate something (can't even remember what), and then turned the sign from closed to open. 

Immediately three women rushed into the store.  Another busy day, but I found myself watching the women and thinking, Do you agree with those boys?  Did you encourage them to do their action of hate?  Are they your sons, or yours, or yours?

By the end of the day my head was splitting with pain.  I closed the shop, climbed the stairs, and went to sleep...unfortunately, I woke up at 2 a.m.  So here I sit with pen in hand, and pain in head.  I'm going to take a tiny bit of laudanum (I will NEVER abuse it like Madame did), and get some more rest.

Celeste's Journal

Tonight was the harvest dance.  I LOVE to dance.  Being held close in Blake's strong arms, listening to the melody, lyrics, rhythm of the music, moving together, with the music driving our actions...it is utterly magical to me!

There were so many refreshments!  I brought croissants, which were gone very quickly.  That was a gratifying feeling.  Even if the people in this town don't accept me, at least they appreciate my cooking!

Blake asked Sophronia to dance.  So Tom asked me to dance.  I felt awkward at first.  A silence fell between us.  Finally Tom smiled and broke the silence.  "Celeste, you look even lovelier than usual tonight!  That Blake Calkin is a lucky man!"

I felt a blush rise in my face.  Then I smiled and said sincerely, "Sophronia is a blessed woman Tom.  I'm glad that you two have each other."

From there we discussed crops, crop values, weather, his children, and the conversation just flowed slowly and naturally.  I still was happy when Blake came back and claimed me.

We danced several square dances.  I love the intricate calling of different types of movement.  Allemande left, Promenade her home...that is my favorite call when it is Blake that promenades me.

I danced with Red for a couple of numbers...then I danced with Eric, and Jamie.  Eric stood on my feet and I moved him about that way.  I had to hold Jamie, and I just moved to the rhythm with my sweet boys.

Willard Bond came and asked me to dance.  He is such a charming, refined man.  I understand why Lucille fell in love with him.  I'm just not quite certain what he saw in Lucille.  She is rigid, judgmental, and cranky.  My Maman would tell me not to judge others.  Still I can't get out of my head how poorly Lucille has treated me.  She buys her clothes from me, but the acts like she doesn't know me.

I'm so very tired.  It was a lovely night tonight.  The food was amazing.  I ate until I could barely move.  That's the only problem with lots of good food...you are too soon full, and unable to eat more!

Blake, Red, Jamie, and Eric drove me home in the moonlight. Blake got out, came around and helped me out of the wagon.  He kissed me so tenderly, and whispered in my ear, "Jetaime, mon chere, jetaime."I will hold his dear, loving words in my heart forever.

Celeste's Journal

My heart is racing so hard right now.  I took Eric and Jamie on a picnic.  I made croissants, and got some delicious ham and cheese from Red.  We took our picnic to the lovely little meadow that's just a short way from the ranch house.

We ate slowly, giggling, and gabbing, about everything and nothing.  The boys are so adorable.  I am grateful everyday to have these beautiful boys as part of my life.

After we finished eating we decided to walk a little ways to the creek.  The day was brilliantly sunny.  The temperature was absolutely perfect...not too cold, not too hot.  We skipped rocks on the creek.  Jamie caught a tiny frog and showed me how they hop.  I did NOT tell him that in France we love to eat the legs of a bigger type of frog.

As I was giggling about that idea I heard Eric cry out.  I had thought he was still beside me.  Somehow as my attention was diverted he had darted away.  I turned and my blood positively stopped inside.  My heart also stopped.

A rattlesnake was shaking his tail back and forth.  I screamed, "Eric, stop.  You must NOT move!"

I didn't have a clue what to do.  Rattlers can strike from quite a distance.  I was afraid that if I tried to get a stick and toss it back into the brush it would still leap, at either child, or me! 

Jamie, oblivious to the danger started to run to Eric.  I screamed, "Stop Jamie.  Stop Eric....DO NOT MOVE!"  I am SO grateful that they are obedient boys.

Grabbing the biggest stick that I could find I reached the middle of that snake and screamed, "RUN AWAY ERIC AND JAMIE.  RUN FAR AND FAST AWAY!"  Then I tossed that rattling danger as far away as I could.

The boys were still running and I caught up to them.  In the amazing manner of children the fear was soon past for them.  I was spent, the adrenaline rush having moved past, and leaving me shaking, clammy, and cold with fear.

We gathered up our picnic supplies and I took the boys home.  For the rest of the day I will be grateful for the relative safety of being INSIDE a home!

Miracles? Celeste's Journal

I have been angry at God ever since we left France.  I loved our cozy home in France.  I loved helping Papa with the wine.  I loved pressing them in the harvest with my bare, clean feet.  The neighbors would come and take turns as well.  I always felt that the wines tasted richer, more full-bodied when pressed by the loving feet of many.

Last night Blake spoke to me about the "miracles," in his life.  He spoke of how getting away from his abusive Father was a "miracle."  He spoke about being shanghaied at 14 and how that experience became a "miracle," as he was able to earn lots of money quickly so that he could create the Drifting Anchor Ranch.

He even spoke about the "Miracles" that came through his beloved wives although they sacrificed themselves to create those two miracles, Jamie, and Eric.

I didn't say anything for a long time and then the vile bitterness of my soul came pouring out of my mouth.  I said, "How can you call something so horrible as having an abusive Father but getting away from him, being Shanghaied at 14, then losing two wives due to childbirth, a MIRACLE?

Blake was silent for a long time and I also fell silent remembering my sorrows, and cursing God for all of the them.

Finally Blake spoke and silver tears ran down his beloved face as he spoke, "The hard parts of life are always with us Celeste.  Abuse, pain, death, all are with us far too often.  That is why it is critical to also see and choose to focus on the miracles in this life.  From my Father's sick, alcoholic abuse, I became more sensitive to the pain of others.  Because I was Shanghaied, I was able to raise more money at a young age than I would ever have been able to raise in other professions. 

I KNOW that hard things happen.  I just CHOOSE to focus on the blessed life experiences instead of the hard things.  I call those blessed life experiences miracles.  A miracle is something performed outside of the natural laws we are familiar with.  So by that definition I have witnessed many miracles."

I was silent.  I could not think of a single word to reply to Blake's positive ideas.  I decided to just let them sit in my brain and simmer there.  Just as I like to simmer a delicious sauce and let the flavors blend...I will simmer and let Blake's ideas in to my heart.  Maybe they will help soothe away some of the bitterness that threatens to canker my soul?  Who can tell?