I spent last night at the ranch. Jamie had been running a fever and pulling at his right ear. Poor little tyke. He hurt so much and didn't understand what was happening. I wish that babies were born with some sort of mechanism that explained to their worried parents, ear infection, sore throat, stomach ache, some way of knowing exactly what to treat. I'm always amazed at how well Doc can read the signs of sickness and know in a quick minute exactly how to treat the baby, small child, or old lady. Calkington is fortunate to have him here.
I hate it when Jamie or Eric are sick. Yet to be honest I can admit that I love the cuddling, the cooking and feeding them healthy comfort food. On the other hand when they cry, I cry right along with them, feeling their pain, and trying to distract them from it.
I went out to visit the ranch and found Blake and Red looking heavy eyed, and Blake had about three days of whiskers on his face. (Red never shaves so his beard didn't look very different). They had called Dr. Stone and he gave them garlic oil to warm slightly and put in Jamie's ear to help ease the pain and to fight the infection. Usually a small child does not appreciate things of any sort being put in their ears. Actually, I guess adults don't enjoy it either. In Jamie's case it was a testament of how badly his ear hurt that after Dr. Stone put the medicine in his ear he calmed, and actually went to sleep. It was the first time that he had slept in two days!
Doc also gave us some Laudanum to give Jamie if the pain got too bad again. He said to definitely give him some at bedtime so the entire household can get some rest.
Finding everything so upside down, and Blake and Red exhausted, I shooed them to bed, and took over the care of Jamie and Eric. Red and Blake both slept for hours, exhausted.
Eric is such a serious little boy. He said, "Maman, what can I do to help Jamie feel better?" I smiled and gave Eric a kiss on the cheek.
I said softly, "Eric, why don't you find your favorite books and when Jamie awakens you can read to him." (He is the most adorable little boy, so grown up in so many ways that it's startling to find in such a young boy).
Eric ran to do my bidding. When Jamie awakened Eric read to him. I was able to leave Eric with Jamie so that I could go downstairs and warm up some chicken broth. I was grateful that Red had made chicken broth the day before I came. He also had put in soft vegetables, potatoes and carrots.
I could tell that Jamie was feeling a bit better. He ate that soup and asked for more. So, I went and got him some more. I also got some bread, butter, and cheese for Eric and I. I brought some extra cheese and bread for Jamie, just in case he saw ours and wanted some...HE DID! Blake and Red had told me that they couldn't get Jamie to eat anything. I was very relieved when he ate hungrily.
Just before Red and Blake awakened Jamie's ear started hurting so badly that he was crying. Again I warmed the oil by holding it in my hands (I have very warm hands), and then putting two drops in his ear. I also gave him just the tiniest dose of Laudanum. The combination seemed to work well.
When Blake came in Jamie's room after he slept he stretched and said, "Celeste Benoit you are an angel. Thank you for letting us get some sleep. I know that you're very busy right now during the Christmas season. You can go home now if you want."
I smiled at Blake and said, "Dynamite could not blast me from the side of our boy. If I went home I would simply worry and pace. It's much better for me to be here." I leaned over and brushed Jamie's oh so straight hair off his forehead and said, "I think his fever is breaking Blake. He's all dewy with sweat."
Blake checked Jamie's forehead and said, "I think you're right. Hallelujah. I can't bear when my boys..." Blake stopped, looked at me and changed his words, "OUR boys are sick. I just want everything in life to be wonderful for them." Then Blake wrapped me up in his big, strong, arms, and kissed me. Oh it was the tenderest kiss, soft, warm, and I just about melted into the floor boards.
So...journal I stayed over night and then came home this afternoon. Jamie was feeling so well that he got dressed and played marbles with Eric. I hated to leave them, my family. Still, I have a business to run. Being at the ranch did put me behind on my sewing but I'll catch up. It was sad to have Jamie sick, but heaven to be there at the ranch with my family.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Friday, October 25, 2013
Celeste's Journal
The air was cool and humid today as we climbed up the hill behind the ranch to chop down the Christmas tree. Blake insisted that we cut two. One for the ranch and one for me at my shop. I didn't tell him that I wished he would marry me and then we wouldn't need another tree for the shop. Sigh...I know that it will probably never happen but I can dream!
About halfway to the thickest area of Christmasey type trees it started to rain. This was not a liquid sunshine sort of gentle drizzle. This was a the sky opened up and dropped out a lake kind of rain. Seriously the rain was pounding so hard that it actually hurt me wherever it landed. The last part of the trip was miserable. Red and Blake picked up Jamie, and Eric because they were crying, and sliding back as much as they walked forward.
When we got almost to the trees both boys seemed to regain their excitement over chopping just the right Christmas tree down. Eric remembers his last Christmas. He has a terrific memory and he's almost three years older than Jamie. Jamie is just absolutely, completely, living in the moment. He claps his hands and giggles at so many, many things. Oh how deeply, completely, I love these young boys. I'm so grateful that they are a part of my life.
Red was grouchy. I was surprised because usually on the Christmas tree hunts (that's what Blake calls them), Red is pleasant, chatty, and sings Christmas songs from Ireland. This time he hardly spoke to anyone. He actually snapped at Blake when Blake asked him an honest question. That shocked me because Red is ALWAYS very respectful towards Blake.
When Blake and I were out of Red's hearing I said, "What is going on Blake? Why is Red grouchier than usual?" Blake frowned and said, "Red's sister, his only sibling died giving birth last week. The baby died as well."
"Oh poor Red!" I said softly, and sadly. "Does that mean that he hasn't any family left? I know his parents died, and then his wife and child, and now his only sibling? I know how much that hurts. Why isn't he at the ranch where he can mourn alone?"
Blake answered me slowly, He says that being alone he is just too anguished, too desperate in his grief. Red also said that we had been his family for several years now. He told me that we must take very good care of each other and the boys. We are the only family he has now."
I felt as though someone had shot an arrow directly into her heart. Blake's exclusion of me hurt deep into my heart. I also thought about the fact that Red, Blake, Jamie, and Eric were all the family that I had as well. I was deeply hurt that Red had not included me in his list of who were his family now. I pouted for a few minutes and then realized that this was about Red, not about my feelings of hurt. I needed to help comfort Red.
Walking ahead I put my arm through Red's. He turned towards me with the saddest, most confused look on his face. "Celeste, it's raining really hard isn't it?" I kissed Red on the cheek. "It certainly is. I think we'll need some of your powerful, warm you all the way through hot cocoa when we get back to the ranch."
I couldn't tell at first that Red was crying, with tears running down his face. The rain blended with his tears. "She's dead Celeste, Siobhan is gone, and she took her baby with her." "Siobhan your sister, Red? What happened?" Even though I already knew what had happened I thought it might help Red to work through his grief to explain it to me. Red took a deep deep breath and then said, "She was such a tiny thing, hardly bigger than a leprechaun. I was afraid for her giving birth when she was so tiny. She died, and the baby died as well." Great engulfing sobs of sorrow came from Red.
Pulling his head down to my shoulder, I rubbed his neck and shoulders. I then pulled him into a hug. "I know that you can't substitute one person for another. Still I do want you to remember that you still have a sister, and it's me! I love you Reese O'Tooele, and I want to help you any way that I can!"
Red hugged me tight, and we just stood there for a long moment sharing each others air, and feeling the love move between us. I really truly do love Red just as I loved my brother. Finally I stepped back and said, "Red you know that I lost my brothers and my entire family on that miserable ship coming to America. You have lost your sister. I will be your sister if you will be my brother."
Red hugged me again but this time it was quicker. Then he held out a hand to me, "So are you ready to climb up this hill or are we just going to stand here all day chewing the fat?" I smiled up at him and said, "Red, I believe that we have trees to conquer, is that right?" Red smiled, "Watch out trees we're coming to get you!"
About halfway to the thickest area of Christmasey type trees it started to rain. This was not a liquid sunshine sort of gentle drizzle. This was a the sky opened up and dropped out a lake kind of rain. Seriously the rain was pounding so hard that it actually hurt me wherever it landed. The last part of the trip was miserable. Red and Blake picked up Jamie, and Eric because they were crying, and sliding back as much as they walked forward.
When we got almost to the trees both boys seemed to regain their excitement over chopping just the right Christmas tree down. Eric remembers his last Christmas. He has a terrific memory and he's almost three years older than Jamie. Jamie is just absolutely, completely, living in the moment. He claps his hands and giggles at so many, many things. Oh how deeply, completely, I love these young boys. I'm so grateful that they are a part of my life.
Red was grouchy. I was surprised because usually on the Christmas tree hunts (that's what Blake calls them), Red is pleasant, chatty, and sings Christmas songs from Ireland. This time he hardly spoke to anyone. He actually snapped at Blake when Blake asked him an honest question. That shocked me because Red is ALWAYS very respectful towards Blake.
When Blake and I were out of Red's hearing I said, "What is going on Blake? Why is Red grouchier than usual?" Blake frowned and said, "Red's sister, his only sibling died giving birth last week. The baby died as well."
"Oh poor Red!" I said softly, and sadly. "Does that mean that he hasn't any family left? I know his parents died, and then his wife and child, and now his only sibling? I know how much that hurts. Why isn't he at the ranch where he can mourn alone?"
Blake answered me slowly, He says that being alone he is just too anguished, too desperate in his grief. Red also said that we had been his family for several years now. He told me that we must take very good care of each other and the boys. We are the only family he has now."
I felt as though someone had shot an arrow directly into her heart. Blake's exclusion of me hurt deep into my heart. I also thought about the fact that Red, Blake, Jamie, and Eric were all the family that I had as well. I was deeply hurt that Red had not included me in his list of who were his family now. I pouted for a few minutes and then realized that this was about Red, not about my feelings of hurt. I needed to help comfort Red.
Walking ahead I put my arm through Red's. He turned towards me with the saddest, most confused look on his face. "Celeste, it's raining really hard isn't it?" I kissed Red on the cheek. "It certainly is. I think we'll need some of your powerful, warm you all the way through hot cocoa when we get back to the ranch."
I couldn't tell at first that Red was crying, with tears running down his face. The rain blended with his tears. "She's dead Celeste, Siobhan is gone, and she took her baby with her." "Siobhan your sister, Red? What happened?" Even though I already knew what had happened I thought it might help Red to work through his grief to explain it to me. Red took a deep deep breath and then said, "She was such a tiny thing, hardly bigger than a leprechaun. I was afraid for her giving birth when she was so tiny. She died, and the baby died as well." Great engulfing sobs of sorrow came from Red.
Pulling his head down to my shoulder, I rubbed his neck and shoulders. I then pulled him into a hug. "I know that you can't substitute one person for another. Still I do want you to remember that you still have a sister, and it's me! I love you Reese O'Tooele, and I want to help you any way that I can!"
Red hugged me tight, and we just stood there for a long moment sharing each others air, and feeling the love move between us. I really truly do love Red just as I loved my brother. Finally I stepped back and said, "Red you know that I lost my brothers and my entire family on that miserable ship coming to America. You have lost your sister. I will be your sister if you will be my brother."
Red hugged me again but this time it was quicker. Then he held out a hand to me, "So are you ready to climb up this hill or are we just going to stand here all day chewing the fat?" I smiled up at him and said, "Red, I believe that we have trees to conquer, is that right?" Red smiled, "Watch out trees we're coming to get you!"
Monday, October 21, 2013
Celeste's Journal
It's snowing, large lovely patterns of intricate ice and snow. I'm sewing in front of the large window of my shop. Or, I was sewing until I decided to write in my journal for awhile. Not much happened this last week. I've been working on preparing for Christmas...which is now just a few weeks away.
I didn't see Blake all week last week. That meant I also didn't see Red, Jamie, or Eric either. It was so sad for me. I tried to convince myself that it was a good thing, so I could work on my presents for all of them without worrying that they would see those presents before Christmas. I still missed them....SO MUCH!
Yesterday after church Blake, Red, Jamie, and Eric all trooped into my shop. I had hoped that they would still come for a Sunday meal after church. I was so happy that they did! I had cooked roast beef, with potatoes in their jackets, and carrots all simmering in the lovely beef broth. I had also made soft, fluffy rolls. They were so fluffy I giggled as I made them imagining them being so fluffy that you had to hold them down to keep them from floating away into the atmosphere, or at least up at my ceiling.
I was so glad to see each and every one of them. It really hit my heart that these men...these four men, (actually two men, two children who will become men) ARE my family! For so long I felt completely alone in this great big, wide world.
At Madame's I did make some friends. It was hard to make friends in such an evil place. It felt like we were all alienated by the reality of our enforced slavery.
After we ate, (oh did I mention the amazing chocolate cake I made by Red's luscious recipe), we were all very sleepy. I put Jamie, and Eric to nap on my bed upstairs. Then Blake, Red and I played a game of gin rummy. I'm pretty good at gin rummy. Blake and Red are also good at gin rummy. So, the game involved lots of strategy, and lots of stretching my mind to play competitively. I was absolutely delighted when I won! Red and Blake made a lot of masculine noise about how they 'let me win.' I hooted over the very idea!
I had not noticed that Blake had brought his guitar into the shop. (I was too busy hugging the boys, and Red when Blake brought it in). Blake played and all of us sang. Songs of love, songs of heart break, songs of silliness. I love to sing with Red and Blake. Red has a superb Irish Tenor voice. His voice is so sweet it gives me goosebumps. Blake's voice is a deep Baritone. He also gives me goosebumps when he sings but in a very different way. The goosebumps from Blake's voice include goosebumps for the way I feel about him. I'm in love and I will not deny it to myself.
All too soon Blake and Red gathered Jamie and Eric from their naps. I said, "Wrap them up warmly Red, Blake." Then I said, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound bossy. I just love them so much."
Red hugged me and said, "Don't you worry Celeste. We appreciate the feminine love and Mothering that you give them." He made me feel appreciated. I was so grateful for his positive affirmation.
Blake leaned down and kissed me ever so softly, so gently. Lifting me up (He is six foot four. Since I'm just about five foot three inches, he has to lift me to look eye to eye, or we have to sit down). He said as gently as the kiss had been, "We welcome advice from you for your boys Celeste.'" 'Your boys,' he said they were mine! I hugged him hard, and we walked out into the brisk early winters eve.
Red climbed into the wagon first. I handed Jamie up to him. Then Blake climbed into the wagon and I handed Eric up to him. Eric has gotten so big that he was almost too heavy for me. The boys are growing up far too quickly for my liking!
Now I'm back in the present. The snowflakes have gotten smaller but now they are being swirled in the brisk wind. I'm grateful that I don't have to go out in the cold and wet today. I have built a fire in my fireplace and it's joyously cozy here in my shop and home. The only thing that would be better is if I was at the ranch with the family I love. Sigh...I'm going to focus on the blessings of having a lovely shop and home, and not on the things I wish were in my world.
I didn't see Blake all week last week. That meant I also didn't see Red, Jamie, or Eric either. It was so sad for me. I tried to convince myself that it was a good thing, so I could work on my presents for all of them without worrying that they would see those presents before Christmas. I still missed them....SO MUCH!
Yesterday after church Blake, Red, Jamie, and Eric all trooped into my shop. I had hoped that they would still come for a Sunday meal after church. I was so happy that they did! I had cooked roast beef, with potatoes in their jackets, and carrots all simmering in the lovely beef broth. I had also made soft, fluffy rolls. They were so fluffy I giggled as I made them imagining them being so fluffy that you had to hold them down to keep them from floating away into the atmosphere, or at least up at my ceiling.
I was so glad to see each and every one of them. It really hit my heart that these men...these four men, (actually two men, two children who will become men) ARE my family! For so long I felt completely alone in this great big, wide world.
At Madame's I did make some friends. It was hard to make friends in such an evil place. It felt like we were all alienated by the reality of our enforced slavery.
After we ate, (oh did I mention the amazing chocolate cake I made by Red's luscious recipe), we were all very sleepy. I put Jamie, and Eric to nap on my bed upstairs. Then Blake, Red and I played a game of gin rummy. I'm pretty good at gin rummy. Blake and Red are also good at gin rummy. So, the game involved lots of strategy, and lots of stretching my mind to play competitively. I was absolutely delighted when I won! Red and Blake made a lot of masculine noise about how they 'let me win.' I hooted over the very idea!
I had not noticed that Blake had brought his guitar into the shop. (I was too busy hugging the boys, and Red when Blake brought it in). Blake played and all of us sang. Songs of love, songs of heart break, songs of silliness. I love to sing with Red and Blake. Red has a superb Irish Tenor voice. His voice is so sweet it gives me goosebumps. Blake's voice is a deep Baritone. He also gives me goosebumps when he sings but in a very different way. The goosebumps from Blake's voice include goosebumps for the way I feel about him. I'm in love and I will not deny it to myself.
All too soon Blake and Red gathered Jamie and Eric from their naps. I said, "Wrap them up warmly Red, Blake." Then I said, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound bossy. I just love them so much."
Red hugged me and said, "Don't you worry Celeste. We appreciate the feminine love and Mothering that you give them." He made me feel appreciated. I was so grateful for his positive affirmation.
Blake leaned down and kissed me ever so softly, so gently. Lifting me up (He is six foot four. Since I'm just about five foot three inches, he has to lift me to look eye to eye, or we have to sit down). He said as gently as the kiss had been, "We welcome advice from you for your boys Celeste.'" 'Your boys,' he said they were mine! I hugged him hard, and we walked out into the brisk early winters eve.
Red climbed into the wagon first. I handed Jamie up to him. Then Blake climbed into the wagon and I handed Eric up to him. Eric has gotten so big that he was almost too heavy for me. The boys are growing up far too quickly for my liking!
Now I'm back in the present. The snowflakes have gotten smaller but now they are being swirled in the brisk wind. I'm grateful that I don't have to go out in the cold and wet today. I have built a fire in my fireplace and it's joyously cozy here in my shop and home. The only thing that would be better is if I was at the ranch with the family I love. Sigh...I'm going to focus on the blessings of having a lovely shop and home, and not on the things I wish were in my world.
Friday, October 18, 2013
Celeste's Journal
Before I could wash my face this morning I had to break the layer of ice that had frozen over the top. It was so cold last night that we had an ice storm. That means that there are layers of ice over everything, trees, bushes, any types of plant life. It's impossible to ride a horse today because it would be so dangerous. Horses can't keep traction on ice any more than a human can.
Around noon I heard an incredibly loud C R A C K! I dropped my sewing and ran out to the front of my shop. There was one of the oldest trees in Calkington lying in the middle of the road. I'm very grateful that if it had to fall it fell somewhere that did no human, animal, or property damage.
I went outside several times today to see men gather to chop, saw, and clear the enormous old tree in the middle of the street. I did see Eric Erickson slip and fall on his fairly substantial backside. I tried not to laugh as he slid to the side and then limped home. It shouldn't be funny. It obviously hurt him, and embarrassed him as well. I don't understand why watching someone fall even would be funny...but it kind of was. Only if he's not really hurt!
I even saw Willard Bond change his clothes and come out and work with the townsmen to clear the road. He looked so different in overalls, an old work-coat, a stocking hat, and a scarf around his neck. I am used to seeing professional Willard. He is a sharp dresser. He usually has on a suit coat, vest, pocket watch with a chain, suit pants that match his vest and coat, and a shirt so white that it almost glows with a celluloid collar. His hair is never mussed, and his shoes are always polished so well that you can glance down and look at yourself in their reflection.
As much as I dislike Lucille, for so very many reasons, she takes very good care of Willard. I'm pretty much certain that she polishes his shoes, washes and presses his clothes, and makes certain that if he needs things mended, or darned that happens promptly. She is a very good housewife. I just wish she were a better human being.
OK...I know I'm feeling glum. I never speak negatively about anyone, at least I try NOT TO, (even Lucille Bond) normally. When I am negative I know that I'm feeling blue.
So...in the later afternoon when I couldn't imagine anyone braving the ice storm to come to shop I closed my shop. Then I went to the General Store. I purchased a sturdy sled. I dragged that sled up to a steep hillside (there were already lots of children there). I climbed and slid, climbed and slid, climbed and slid, and climbed and slid. Some of the children looked oddly at me at first but after the 2nd and 3rd times down the hill they all just ignored me.
I was cheated of too much of my childhood by Madame LeRouge. Fortunately for me, I believe that it's never too late to have a happy childhood! So for a couple of hours today I had a very, very happy childhood.
It cheered me up so much that when I was walking back to my home carrying my sled and saw Lucille Bond look at me, sniff, and put her nose up in the air. I just chuckled and thought to myself, "Poor Lucille. You keep your nose up in the air so much that you whole head may get stuck in that awkward position!"
Laughing, I walked home. Home to a warm bath, then a delicious meal, and a clean nightgown...and a warm and toasty bed!
Around noon I heard an incredibly loud C R A C K! I dropped my sewing and ran out to the front of my shop. There was one of the oldest trees in Calkington lying in the middle of the road. I'm very grateful that if it had to fall it fell somewhere that did no human, animal, or property damage.
I went outside several times today to see men gather to chop, saw, and clear the enormous old tree in the middle of the street. I did see Eric Erickson slip and fall on his fairly substantial backside. I tried not to laugh as he slid to the side and then limped home. It shouldn't be funny. It obviously hurt him, and embarrassed him as well. I don't understand why watching someone fall even would be funny...but it kind of was. Only if he's not really hurt!
I even saw Willard Bond change his clothes and come out and work with the townsmen to clear the road. He looked so different in overalls, an old work-coat, a stocking hat, and a scarf around his neck. I am used to seeing professional Willard. He is a sharp dresser. He usually has on a suit coat, vest, pocket watch with a chain, suit pants that match his vest and coat, and a shirt so white that it almost glows with a celluloid collar. His hair is never mussed, and his shoes are always polished so well that you can glance down and look at yourself in their reflection.
As much as I dislike Lucille, for so very many reasons, she takes very good care of Willard. I'm pretty much certain that she polishes his shoes, washes and presses his clothes, and makes certain that if he needs things mended, or darned that happens promptly. She is a very good housewife. I just wish she were a better human being.
OK...I know I'm feeling glum. I never speak negatively about anyone, at least I try NOT TO, (even Lucille Bond) normally. When I am negative I know that I'm feeling blue.
So...in the later afternoon when I couldn't imagine anyone braving the ice storm to come to shop I closed my shop. Then I went to the General Store. I purchased a sturdy sled. I dragged that sled up to a steep hillside (there were already lots of children there). I climbed and slid, climbed and slid, climbed and slid, and climbed and slid. Some of the children looked oddly at me at first but after the 2nd and 3rd times down the hill they all just ignored me.
I was cheated of too much of my childhood by Madame LeRouge. Fortunately for me, I believe that it's never too late to have a happy childhood! So for a couple of hours today I had a very, very happy childhood.
It cheered me up so much that when I was walking back to my home carrying my sled and saw Lucille Bond look at me, sniff, and put her nose up in the air. I just chuckled and thought to myself, "Poor Lucille. You keep your nose up in the air so much that you whole head may get stuck in that awkward position!"
Laughing, I walked home. Home to a warm bath, then a delicious meal, and a clean nightgown...and a warm and toasty bed!
Monday, October 14, 2013
Links to crocheted Christmas Snowflake decorations
I'm including some links here for free patterns to make crocheted Christmas snowflakes. I LOVE making gifts for Christmas. I'm always on the look out for something lovely to make for friends and family who don't need or want pretty much anything. So...here we go:
fabact.com
allfreecrochet.com
freevintagecrochet.com
These are three links with many free crocheted snowflake patterns. I'm going to make certain that I use some form of glitter, or salt which glitters beautifully when added to the starch you use to make your snowflakes hard.
It's NEVER too early to start enjoying, and anticipating Christmas!
fabact.com
allfreecrochet.com
freevintagecrochet.com
These are three links with many free crocheted snowflake patterns. I'm going to make certain that I use some form of glitter, or salt which glitters beautifully when added to the starch you use to make your snowflakes hard.
It's NEVER too early to start enjoying, and anticipating Christmas!
Celeste's Journal
Fluffed with fatness the snowflakes are falling outside my window. It does not snow often here so I'm filled with joy. I'm sitting in my warm shop with the fire crackling next to me crocheting. I LOVE making crocheted Christmas tree ornaments. I haven't made them in a long time. Of course, I didn't make them at Madame's house of horrors. I made them as a child in long ago and far away France. Maman taught me how to crochet...how to knit...how to make things of beauty with my two hands.
I discovered last year that Blake and Red have very manly types of ornaments and decorations at the ranch. They have a few glass ornaments, and some popcorn strings with a few cranberries as well on the strings. That's it. When I asked them why they didn't have more ornaments they looked at me as though I was slightly crazy. Blake said, "Why do we need more ornaments, what we have is plenty." I didn't say anything more but right then and there I determined that this year for this Christmas I would make lacy snowflakes that sparkle to put on that enormous tree they will chop down from the hill behind the ranch.
I wish Eric or Jamie were here with me. I haven't seen them since last Sunday and it's Thursday. I want to be with them all the time and see them grow and change from minute to minute. They are growing up far too fast for my liking.
I long for the company of Blake. His kisses light my heart with fire. He is tender, affectionate, and yet keeps a certain distance always. Sarah told me that he would marry me, to have patience, but I have never been particularly patient. I still haven't decided if seeing Sarah was a dream. I usually believe it was a dream. Yet every once in awhile late at night when I can't sleep, it seems as though it was very, very real.
Well, I'm going to quit writing, and start crocheting. Thanks Mama, if you can see me, read this, for teaching me how to crochet snowflakes for a Christmas tree. I love you Mama, miss you, and I'm grateful for having the best Mama in the world for 14 whole years!
I discovered last year that Blake and Red have very manly types of ornaments and decorations at the ranch. They have a few glass ornaments, and some popcorn strings with a few cranberries as well on the strings. That's it. When I asked them why they didn't have more ornaments they looked at me as though I was slightly crazy. Blake said, "Why do we need more ornaments, what we have is plenty." I didn't say anything more but right then and there I determined that this year for this Christmas I would make lacy snowflakes that sparkle to put on that enormous tree they will chop down from the hill behind the ranch.
I wish Eric or Jamie were here with me. I haven't seen them since last Sunday and it's Thursday. I want to be with them all the time and see them grow and change from minute to minute. They are growing up far too fast for my liking.
I long for the company of Blake. His kisses light my heart with fire. He is tender, affectionate, and yet keeps a certain distance always. Sarah told me that he would marry me, to have patience, but I have never been particularly patient. I still haven't decided if seeing Sarah was a dream. I usually believe it was a dream. Yet every once in awhile late at night when I can't sleep, it seems as though it was very, very real.
Well, I'm going to quit writing, and start crocheting. Thanks Mama, if you can see me, read this, for teaching me how to crochet snowflakes for a Christmas tree. I love you Mama, miss you, and I'm grateful for having the best Mama in the world for 14 whole years!
Monday, October 7, 2013
Celeste's Journal
The minute that I turned my Open sign to Closed and locked my front door tonight I started working on Christmas. I LOVE making gifts for Christmas. As I work on them I think of the joy in the faces of the receivers, and the way that I feel when I'm with these dear ones, friends who are family. I am certain that Maman and Papa watching me are grateful for the good friends that I have.
Yesterday was hard. Lucille Bond has started ignoring me if she sees me when I am out and about in Calkington. In the shop she speaks to me in an extremely patronizing tone. I feel sorry for her. It's obvious that she feels insecure or she would not feel the need to make others around her miserable. It really is a shame because she could do such great good in this world. She has money, and that gives her influence.
Sarah visited me last night in my dreams. She is such a teeny, tiny, thing, even as a ghost. Yet it's remarkable the authority and power she carries. It's very evident that she has been a great leader of people, The People, who were her people.
She shared with me again the difficulty that she had leaving her beloved tribe, marrying Blake, facing all of the distrust and open hostility from the good people of Calkington. Sarah reminded me of the hideous time that she was walking down the Main Street of Calkington and Lucille Bond spit, right in her face, and then just kept walking. At least Lucille only stabs me in the back amongst the town members, and ignores me in public.
Lucille was orphaned as her family traveled to Oregon. Every single member of her family was wiped out at once. Willard was riding a horse and found her barefoot and crying in the middle of a prickly pear patch. He roped her and pulled her to his horse. Willard took her back to camp and one by one extracted the 1/2 inch long prickly pear spines. Next he found a woman in the group that had an extra pair of shoes that Lucille could wear.
Lucille was only fifteen years old but Willard proposed to her. They were married right away. When they arrived in Calkington Willard immediately began the process of starting a bank. There was absolutely no financial institutions of any kind here so with his clever way of handling finances they quickly became rich. Blake told me all of this.
Lucille and I both lost our entire families coming to this place. We both were rescued by Willard Bond. He married and loves Lucille, he gave me a start-up loan to get my business working.
It feels like focusing on those things that we share in common would be so much more useful than constantly being unkind, rude, and participating in bitter gossip. I admire many things about Lucille. She's an excellent cook. She has a garden that is the best that I've ever seen. Her garden seems like a beautiful portrait painted with flowers, fruit, and vegetables.
I've also heard that she is an excellent knitter. I have seen beautiful knitted scarfs on her, and on Willard. I have tried to be friendly towards her but she rebuffs me on every turn. ARGH!
I will now consciously quit thinking about Lucille Bond. After all, I can do absolutely nothing to change her mind, or attitude towards me, only she can do that. Now, back to Christmas. I will have a simple dinner tonight, some bread and milk, and some dried apples that I made several months back.
Yesterday was hard. Lucille Bond has started ignoring me if she sees me when I am out and about in Calkington. In the shop she speaks to me in an extremely patronizing tone. I feel sorry for her. It's obvious that she feels insecure or she would not feel the need to make others around her miserable. It really is a shame because she could do such great good in this world. She has money, and that gives her influence.
Sarah visited me last night in my dreams. She is such a teeny, tiny, thing, even as a ghost. Yet it's remarkable the authority and power she carries. It's very evident that she has been a great leader of people, The People, who were her people.
She shared with me again the difficulty that she had leaving her beloved tribe, marrying Blake, facing all of the distrust and open hostility from the good people of Calkington. Sarah reminded me of the hideous time that she was walking down the Main Street of Calkington and Lucille Bond spit, right in her face, and then just kept walking. At least Lucille only stabs me in the back amongst the town members, and ignores me in public.
Lucille was orphaned as her family traveled to Oregon. Every single member of her family was wiped out at once. Willard was riding a horse and found her barefoot and crying in the middle of a prickly pear patch. He roped her and pulled her to his horse. Willard took her back to camp and one by one extracted the 1/2 inch long prickly pear spines. Next he found a woman in the group that had an extra pair of shoes that Lucille could wear.
Lucille was only fifteen years old but Willard proposed to her. They were married right away. When they arrived in Calkington Willard immediately began the process of starting a bank. There was absolutely no financial institutions of any kind here so with his clever way of handling finances they quickly became rich. Blake told me all of this.
Lucille and I both lost our entire families coming to this place. We both were rescued by Willard Bond. He married and loves Lucille, he gave me a start-up loan to get my business working.
It feels like focusing on those things that we share in common would be so much more useful than constantly being unkind, rude, and participating in bitter gossip. I admire many things about Lucille. She's an excellent cook. She has a garden that is the best that I've ever seen. Her garden seems like a beautiful portrait painted with flowers, fruit, and vegetables.
I've also heard that she is an excellent knitter. I have seen beautiful knitted scarfs on her, and on Willard. I have tried to be friendly towards her but she rebuffs me on every turn. ARGH!
I will now consciously quit thinking about Lucille Bond. After all, I can do absolutely nothing to change her mind, or attitude towards me, only she can do that. Now, back to Christmas. I will have a simple dinner tonight, some bread and milk, and some dried apples that I made several months back.
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