How did that happen? My last post was New Year's 1869 and now it's New Year's 1870? My life picked up speed. I gained ten new customers. My business is flourishing. My customers on the whole treat me with decency but there will be no friendships that develop through them. It is very easy to tell that they look down on my past but they like my sewing skills better than they hate my "scandalous" past. I use that word because I overheard a customer use it. Blake says that I need to have a "Thick skin." I guess that means that I don't let their snide, sometimes downright rude comments reach my heart to hurt it.
I am "mothering," Jamie and Eric every chance that I get. Sometimes Blake brings them to me and they stay for the weekend. Sometimes I go to the ranch and stay there for a day or two. I think of those precious boys every waking minute. I love them both so much.
Eric is becoming a man...and he's not even a teenager yet. Some of the things he says startle me they are so mature for his age. He's quite brilliant. I started listening to him read but wound up being taught how to read by him! Remarkable...I think he will be a terrific teacher some day.
Jamie...oh sweet Jamie. He's chubby, adorable, and I could just kiss his precious little face all day. He is so loving, so open, so caring. He will toddle over to me (he still has a head bigger than his feet). and throw his arms around me. He says, "I wuv you Maman." Sometimes he says in his toddler speak "Jetaime Maman." I love to hear his precious little boy voice say those words in French.
Blake...he is in love with me. He told me so yesterday. I went to the traditional New Year's Eve party last night at the ranch. I asked Blake to bring me home because I just had to be in my own space to write about this remarkable happening.
Blake, Red, and I were busy all day getting ready for the party. At one point in the afternoon Blake took me by the hand and said, "Come with me Celly." (It was just last week that he started calling me by the pet name my family used, and my friends use).
He led me out of the house and down a trail that led to a tiny creek that winds through his ranch. It's beautiful there, colored by wintry wonder. There were no leaves on trees...the branches reached their bare branches towards the heavens. Diamond frost glittered everything. The sun came out from behind enormous cloud banks (as if on cue), and the day was transformed from gray winter to diamond brilliance.
Then, amazing thing, a rainbow spread across the sky. I LOVE rainbows. They are my favorite color. I know that some people would say, "But rainbows are all the colors." Then I would say, "That IS my favorite...ALL the colors."
Blake pulled me into his strong, wonderful arms. He just stood there holding me close. I relished the safe feeling. I breathed him in...that masculine smell that partially defines Blake. It's a tad of peppermint (he loves peppermint or spearmint tea), a tad of wine, (he and I are going to begin a line of fine wines this spring, he loves wine as I do), a hint of soap, (I sometimes help Red make their soap), and then there's this musky, masculine smell that I can't even begin to describe.
Blake gently held my face and looking into my eyes he said, "Je ta dore Celeste. Jetaime. I love you." He then kissed me. Oh what a kiss. I felt as though my body would melt from the fire I felt. I have NEVER felt like that before.
I was slightly disappointed that after saying that and kissing me he simply led me back to the kitchen to finish getting ready for the party. A tiny part of me thought, maybe, just maybe he's going to propose. Then I can be a full-time Maman to the boys, and I will have the joy of spending my life with Blake as his wife.
Still, he loves me! The wonder of that resonates through my soul. I am filled with joy as I contemplate what that means.
I love Blake so very much. I try to show him my love in every way that I can. I sew for him. I cook for him. I massage his stiff neck, and back. I try to convince myself that if he never proposes to me, this is enough. I can live this way, being loved, but having my own world and space, away from my beloved. Loving but not completely...can I really live that way?
No...I will not think this negative thing...not tonight (a glance at the clock just informed me that it's not night anymore but morning. 5 a.m. when did that happen?) So I must sleep for a couple of hours. Blake will come to pick me up at 8 a.m. We are going to a party that is being held in the new city building. The entire town is invited.
No comments:
Post a Comment