I found this dusty thing under my bed this evening. I guess I had thrown it down years ago on that awful Christmas. The Christmas when I realized that I would probably spend my life alone. I want so much to marry Blake and be a real full-time Mother to his children. That simply will not be. So, I'm learning to push those emotions/feelings away from me. After all, loving the Calkin's long distance is better than NOT loving them at all.
My shop has really picked up momentum since the last time I wrote. It is still annoying to me how rudely Lucille and her Bond Brat's (also known as children) treat me. They come pounding on the door two or three hours after I've closed for the day and completely expect me to open the door. for them.
The problem is, they are my best customers, money wise. Which forces me to put up with their rude behavior. Lucille is very, very proud of her two little girls. Her home is her castle. She keeps it spotless. (I have only heard about that since I've never been invited anywhere near her residence).
Jamie and Eric are such bright, beautiful boys. They are a constant joy to me. They are well mannered, and polite. It's so much fun to teach them new things. They grasp new ideas, and information so quickly. I have fallen head over heels, madly, dizzily, in love with Jamie and Eric. I'm grateful for their part in my world.
Red is my brother. Blake? I'm not quite certain what or who he is to me. Sometimes he's loving, holds my hand, kisses me in the moonlight. Then other times he won't touch me, and he acts very distant. I'm trying my hardest to just be ME...to not let Blake's emotional roller coaster pull me down.
I was able to plant a small garden last summer. I was amazed at the size of the fruits and veggies that I grew. Everything grows well in this fertile soil.
Well, once again I'm going to try hard to write consistently in my journal. I'm bringing it out from under the bed...good night journal!
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