Angela

My mind wandered off the topic with the brilliantly colored butterflies.  I did my best to ignore the droning of Henry's voice.  Today I seriously would like to just go to sleep and never wake up again.

Even though I now cook the meals, Henry still only lets me eat rarely.  I don't know how old I am anymore.  The first two years of living with Henry I knew how old I was.  Then Henry started mixing me up.  He would tell me for a month that I was 8.  Then he would say I was 9.  Just as I started to believe him about that age, he would suddenly tell me that I was only 7, and why couldn't I keep track of my own age?

He feeds me very little so that I stay very small.  The last thing that Henry wishes to have happen is for me to start showing signs of becoming a woman, whatever that means.  He says that a lot.  "You will be no good to me if you start getting big, or show signs of becoming a woman."

When I ask him what it means, "Becoming a woman," he responds crossly, "You're not so dumb that you don't know that little girls become women, and little boys men, are you?"

"Dumb, stupid, lazy," these are the words that I hear the most coming from Henry.  I try not to believe what he calls me.  After all, he has a small child to do his stealing.  Doesn't that make HIM lazy?

We had a close call yesterday.  It was a very busy day in a very small town.  I don't even try to remember the names of all the towns that we travel through any more.  So in Mud Wallow, Oregon I was supposed to be stealin' wallets from the towns finest.  Henry has me dress in my one and only dress.  He has me braid my hair the night before.  Then for that day I take out my braids and brush my hair until it shines.  He says, "You're uglier than a wart covered toad, but people won't believe that you could steal, cuz' you are just a dumb, ugly, girl."

I was doing really, really good.  Then it happened.  Just as I was putting a wallet into my secret skirt pocket a man came up from behind.  "Little lady, did you just take this man's wallet from him?"  I immediately began to cry.  "Mr. I don't know why you say something so terrible about me?  I don't have no brains.  I am just in town to get my new baby brother some milk.  Ma is turrible sick.  She don't have no milk to feed my brother.  We don't have no cow or goat, so I was just hopin' that somebody could help us get enough milk to feed the baby until Ma gets better."

"Pa left us to go east and get some work.  That was about 5 months ago.  He ain't never came back.  He ain't sent us any money.  We ain't got a single idea 'bout how to fetch him home.  The baby just cries all the time.  Poor little thing he is most hungry."

"Never mind your story.  You'll be coming with me now little Miss."

"Where you takin' me?  Ma needs me.  None of the other ones are old enough to help.  Ma has a high fever.  She be talkin' out her head for a whole week now.  Little Petey's cries are gettin' weaker all the time.  My other 6 brothers and sisters ain't helping at all with nothin'."

The law man dropped his hands off me.  "What sickness does your Ma have.  Is it real contagious?"

"Nah.  Only four of my brothers and sisters got it.  They ain't got no pox.  There is red blisters...small...all over their bodies.  They talk out their heads most of the time.  I guess we be lucky that the babe ain't have it no more.  Of course, he was the first one to get the sickness."

Now both men were stepping away from me.  The lawman says to the other man, "I ain't touchin' her again.  She could be talkin' the measles.  People die from the measles.  We'd have to quarantine the whole town."

"Don't worry Officer.  I didn't have much money in that old wallet anyway."  Both men turned and started to walk away rapidly.

I held my arms out to them.  "Where are ya goin'?  We need help!  The babies gettin' a little better but he'll starve soon unless..."

"Sorry kid, can't help you.  I've got my own family to think about."

Henry like to laughed his fool head off when I told him the story.  When I took out the wallet from the 'Family man,' there was a bundle of $20.00 bills.  Quickly I sneaked one of them bills out from the rest.  I slipped the one bill into my sleeve.  I was amazed that Henry didn't seem to notice.  Most times that snake of a man has got more eyes in his head than is strictly natural.

Henry bought us potatoes, onions, and a great big roast beef.  We feasted that night.  Henry even let me eat lots of food.