New Year's Eve and a New Year 1869
I spent the night at the Drifting Anchor Ranch tonight. Blake always has an enormous party on New Year's Eve. I say enormous but that is a relative thing. It is enormous for the tiny town of Calkington. All of the men that work for Blake attend, and bring girlfriends. There are some Indians that live nearby. They don't come to every holiday celebration but they were there last night. The residents of the town were all there.
Lucille Bond is the customer who frequents my shop the most often. She has so many dresses I don't know how she has a closet big enough to fit them. It is not mine to judge but secretly I believe that she feels very insecure about herself so she does her best to hide her feelings of inadequacy behind her fancy clothes.
Lucille hates me, but every time she wears one of the dresses I have made for her I gain a new customer. It's ironic that she hates me and yet loves my clothes so much that she is a walking advertisement for my work.
Lucille's husband, Willard Bond, is the dearest man. He was such a huge help to me when I ran away from Madame and hid in Blake's wagon. At first Lucille did not want to use my shop but Willard insisted.
Jamie is growing into the cutest little bumble bee. His head is still larger than his tiny feet, yet he insists on running everywhere that he goes. He falls a lot. I rarely see him without a bump, bruise or cut. Red even had to sew up one cut on Jamie's face. Jamie fell on a sharp rock and sliced a nasty hole in his cheek. Red said that when Jamie is a young man it will attract more young women. He is probably right.
We danced, sang, and enjoyed ourselves until midnight. Then everyone left. It took another two hours to say goodbye to everyone, and then clean up. Red and I could never go to sleep with a mess in our homes. Blake put the boys to bed, and then he helped.
I am so in love with Blake Calkin. I didn't think he was really handsome when I first me him. I've changed my mind. He has the most expressive face. I can see emotions move across his face like a storm moving across the horizon. His eyes go from black as the darkest night when he is upset, to warm and golden loving. When he smiles he has the most adorable dimples. Our boys have that trait as well. I say, "our boys," because they are mine now as well. Blake actually calls on me to help with them. I love them so much.
Their love gives me a tiny bit of comfort in the loss of my precious Angel. Oh you don't replace one love for another. I don't quit loving Angela because I love the boys. Yet having them need me, thinking about them, doing for them whenever I can fills a huge hole that has been in my heart since I lost my Angel.
Well I can't quit yawning. I was too wound up to sleep even though my clock says that it's 3:30 a.m. but I think I can sleep now. I stayed at the ranch after the party because it was too late, or early to go home. With both men here I hope that the gossiping tongues of Calkington will be still. I suppose that is too much to hope for. Sometimes I feel like, "Oh well, if they are going to stab me in the back, I might as well do something to earn their gossip!"
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