Celeste's Journal

September 21, 1868


I went to Emma's Cafe with Blake tonight.  He is such a gentleman.  I love the little things that he does that speak to his refined character.  He holds the door for me so that I can enter a room before him.  He stands on the outside as we walk.  This means that on a rainy night such as tonight if a buggy or wagon goes by he gets splashed while I remain dry.

Blake told me tonight about his childhood.  He has never shared that story with me before.  I was touched, and honored that he felt safe sharing such sadness.  What a monster his Father was.  Blake was convinced that his Father killed his Mother.  I can not disagree with him after listening to the way that his horrid Father beat her down.

It's even more of a testament to Blake's sterling character that he has broken out of that brutal, abusive mold that defined his Father.  I thought that he must have learned about being a gentleman from his Father.  That is simply not the case.  His Mother did teach him many things about being a kind, chivalrous man.  She died far too young.

Blake courageously goes about his life not letting his past pull him down.  He knows that the brutalized, beaten, young boy is still inside him, but he is strong, in spite of this. 

Sigh, I'm in love.  It's both beautiful, and terrible.  Beautiful because he is so worthy of love this man who has built The Drifting Anchor Ranch, and a family from the ground up.  Terrible because I fear that he will never overcome his superstitions about his wife's deaths. 

Well such a sad thought is not what I wish to take with me into my dreams.  I try very hard each night before I go to sleep to put pleasant, joyous, thoughts in my mind.  When I do this I do not have the nightmare as often.  The nightmare when I am back in Madame LeRouge's. 

Tonight I wish to remember working with my Father.  I remember the sun which felt warm and caressing on my back as I leaned to clip off bunches of lush grapes.  Papa always smelled clean, like fresh air, and grapes.  Even when he had spent the entire day hard at physical labor he  smelled strong but fresh.

Yes Papa as I drift off to sleep I will see you in my dreams, strong, handsome, vital, and loving.