Celeste's Journal

Late at Night

I can't sleep but I'm so tired that I can't even remember what day it is.  I know that it's September (the leaves outside my window attest to that fact) but I don't remember the date.  I don't think it matters very much after all I'm writing this journal entry for myself.  I can't sleep, I'm too tired to sew, and I'm just plain bored with all the books that I own.

Blake kissed me.  It began as a random accident, but quickly became a raging fire.  I always knew that kissing Blake would be amazing.  I'm not sure I understood, just HOW amazing.  I felt sensations that I didn't know existed while I kissed him.

I hoped that after that first kissing we would kiss regularly.  He has not kissed me again since.  Every time that we get together I hope for another earth shaking kiss.  Not once.  I can't decide which was more frustrating, going for years wondering what it would be like to kiss him, or knowing what it is like to kiss him and having him not repeat the experience.

I'm going to change the subject because just thinking about it is making it impossible for me to relax enough to sleep.

Lucille Bond.  Well that is a topic that I should NEVER think about because I can feel my muscles tighten just writing her name down.  One incident and then I will not give her the power of my thoughts.

I don't know why Lucille hates me.  Well actually I do know why.  Lucille LOVED Blake's first wife Ardis.  Ardis lived with Lucille and Willis when she first came to Calkington.  They had already built a lovely frame house with two bedrooms.  Their room was upstairs.  Ardis was downstairs.  To pay for her rent and food she helped Lucille cook, clean, and sew.  Lucille and Ardis were closer than many sisters are.

When Ardis died soon after Eric's birth Lucille was devastated.  It took her years to accept Eric.  She hated him because she blamed the precious babe for Ardis' death.

When Blake remarried Lucille hated her as well.  Lucille's grandparents were massacred by Indians.  Sarah was from a local tribe called "The People."  So Lucille hated Sarah in every way possible.  Lucille wants absolutely nothing to do with Jamie.  She has finally grown more forgiving towards Eric but won't even look at Jamie.

Lucille was furious when she discovered that Willard (her husband the bank president) had given Blake a loan for me to build my business.  She actually told me once that if I did not make such excellent French style gowns she would be tempted to burn my building to the ground so that I would have to leave.  She also said that Willard, "Had no business giving a whore a loan even with Blake's ranch as colaterol."

Lucille has softened just a tiny bit since she and Willard had two babies.  They are beautiful girls, Wilhelmina (Lucille was positive that both girls would be boys.  She had decided on male names.  When they were girls she changed them accordingly.  So Willard Jr. became Wilhelmina Elizabeth.  Robert became Roberta and called Bertie.

It is funny to watched Lucille walk down the boardwalk with their girls.  She looks like a proud Mama Duck with her two chicks following.  She has gotten a great deal heavier since she had the babies.  That has left her waddling a bit.  (Oh, I'm ashamed of myself for that last thought.  OK, the thought wasn't worthy of me but I'm sitting here with a silly grin on my face thinking about it.)

Yawn...hallelujah I'm finally sleepy.  So good night world.  I'll see you again in the morning.