Celeste's Journal

September 20, 1868

Sunshine shines brightly.  My window is clear and clean.  My shop is empty.

I sew a dress for a woman who has everything that she needs, and everything that she wants.  Her name is Lucille Bond.  She would love nothing better than to discredit me, to spread evil gossip about me that would drive me from Calkington.

I sometimes feel dissatisfied by the life I live.  I am in love with Blake Calkin who is still in love with his first and second wives.  He has vowed to never again marry.  That leaves me in love with a man who will never return my love in the same way.

I know that I am grateful because I have been released from slavery.  Yet sometimes the evil of those three years in Madame LeRouge's grabs me in the nighttime.  It tortures me with nightmares at the time that I am most vulnerable to attack.

This customer that I sew for is toxic to me.  I depend on her patronage for my financial survival.  Yet I know that she tells other people things about me that are untrue.  How do I know?  My friend Sophronia told me.  Sophrie did NOT wish to hurt me.  She wanted me to be aware of the poison that was being spread.  After all as Sophrie said, "It's easier to face an enemy that you can see."  How right she is.

How simple it would be to succumb to the darkness that filled my soul in those three hellish years that I lived.  How easy it would be to believe that I am worthless, powerless, and invisible.  The good news is that I have NEVER given in to those thoughts.  I am a female warrior, a SHERO, powerful and determined.

The two beautiful sons, Eric and Jamie, that are Blake's, that I help him raise remind me that they need the example from me of not letting life's circumstances determine your character.  It will NOT be what I SAY, but what I DO that will impact their precious lives in the future.

I write these words to remind myself of the vow I have made with myself.  I will be strong.  I will be invincible.  I will be better today than I was yesterday.  I am a SHERO...a powerful woman who will rise above the darkness of life's sorrows!