June 16, 1868
Eric, Blake, and I went on a picnic today. The high hillside on the ranch was our destination.
Red stayed home with a napping Jamie. I have a hard time leaving the babe. He changes every hour it seems. I love him as intently as though he was my child, my very own, born through love's labor.
Eric is a sober petit chere. He asks such BIG questions for a SMALL boy. Yesterday he asked, "Maman where are my other two Mama's? Papa says they are in Heaven with God. What do they do in Heaven? Doesn't God know Jamie and I miss them? Why did he take them?"
I was happy when Red called us to lunch. I had no idea how to answer him. I've had the same questions myself. I'm almost twenty, and he's just a bit over four years.
I'm so in love with Blake! I long to speak the sacred words out loud, jetaime mon amour. I'm certain that my feelings are obvious to all. I hope that Blake can't see my love for him.
Blake still grieves heavily for his two lost wives. The load of that grief must threaten to crush him. Still he prays, reads from the Bible, and goes to church.
My burden of pain and grief is also heavy beyond endurance. My entire family was sent to the ocean's depths leaving me alone in a brutal, cruel, world. I am doing my best to keep living. My parents would expect that of me. Yet I blame God. I do NOT pray, do NOT read the Bible, do NOT attend church. My grief is directed at God who I once believed was loving, and merciful. I am moving forward into the future better than Blake.
Back to the picnic. Blake and I sat on a blanket savoring a French picnic with baguettes that I made. We had cheese, no Brie because no one here knows how to make it. Blake drank red wine. I sipped a smoothly dry white.
Eric dashed about around us. He jumped up and down with excitement when he found a bird's next low lying in a tree. He was sad to discover it empty of bird life.
He went a short way around a corner. Blake got up to go bring him back. We both heard Eric shout. Then, the odor was beyond description. It was strong and bitter. I could taste an oily taste that almost made me retch.
Blake ran to Eric and I was right behind. Eric had discovered a Mama skunk and her babies. When he picked up one of the babies the Mama turned and sprayed him.
The hike home was miserable. Blake carried Eric but all of us smelled. There are many bad smells on earth. I smelled most of them at Madame LeRouge's. Those were human skunks. The men spread their stench to every one of us in that evil place.
The skun was defending her young. What she did was to protect her babies.
Eric, Blake, and I bathed in tomato juice, vinegar, and then bubble bath. We scrubbed, and scrubbed until our skin was raw. Still we were horribly smelly. The only merciful part was that after awhile none of us could smell any more.
Red took Jamie and retreated to the small cabin a couple of miles away. Blake built that cabin as a getaway for he and Ardis. It's lovely, next to a lake. It's about three miles from the ranch house.
I'm ready for bed. I will not open my shop or sew for the next few days until the stink lessens. I need the money but if anyone smelled me now they would NEVER come to my shop again.
I didn't have a chance to spring clean this year. I will use the time to catch up.
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