Ardis Journal

Mother desperately wanted me to become a southern lady.  A gracious, soft-spoken, hospitable, serving, loving, Christian lady.  She sewed me a lovely dress to wear when I married Tom.  It had yards and yards of fabric in the skirt with a hoop skirt underneath.  I did wear it to marry Tom.  It now is packed away.  What earthly good would a fancy dress with a hoop skirt do me now?

To be honest, I was rather a lost cause at being trained to be lady like.  I'd rather ride a horse bareback than sit side saddle.  When ma would call me in to instruct me on cooking, I would hide in our old haystack.  She would finally tire of trying to call me.  She rarely complained that I didn't come when she called.  I think she understood that I didn't take easily to the domestic arts of homemaking. 

Ma and Da came from serious poverty.  They came to America to make a better life for them, but especially for me.  They longed to own a big plantation in Tuckaleechee Cove.

To really attain such wealth they would need slaves to work the fields, whether they grew cotton or other crops.  The three of us just couldn't produce enough to compete with the big plantation owners, especially since some of them had the head start of a home and land passed through generations.  My parents wouldn't even consider having a slave.  They believed that honest work must be done with their own hands.  They were certainly financially stable.  They owned their farm out right.  Sigh, once again I feel harsh thoughts toward Tom.  He sold my birthright without even speaking to me.  Sadly, we lost everything.  It does give me a small measure of comfort that the evil villain that robbed us of land and money is now in jail and will be there for a long time.

My wedding day was grand.  I managed to convince Tom's mother not to tie my corset so tightly that I could not breathe.  I still maintain that corsets were invented by men to keep us dominated, subverted.  The dress was lovely, bright, feminine.  I felt lovelier than I had ever felt before.  I even had been assiduous in treating my work roughed hands and face so that they were very soft.

I never wanted to be a boy.  I enjoy the types of outdoor work they do.  Gardening has always seemed like an excellent way to create.  To me it's a way to create beauty.   I've always like bright, shiny things, and pretty clothes.  I just also enjoy riding a horse, playing with our old dog Bright, and playing kick the can with Tom and the neighbor boys.  Sometimes I lose track of time when I sketch someone, or something.  My sketches of people are much better than my sketches of places.

I am grateful to state that most of the time I understand and like myself.  The good Lord has blessed me with gifts that I hope to use to his glory!