Crouching at the mouth of the cave Angela reasoned and rationalized. "What Henry, don't know, can't hurt him. If I don't get out of this stinkin' cave, I'm going to become as crazy as Henry."
Talking to herself gave Angela comfort. She spent a great deal of time alone. Even when Henry was with her, she was alone. He never listened to her. He just talked at her. Angela had learned early that the only person that had anything worth saying to Henry, was Henry.
Wind, Angela felt a tiny touch of it. A gentle nudge, a wind whispered word, "Angela, come out, come out, and play. Henry won't ever know."
Angela could only listen to the invitation of nature's bounty for so long. Finally she burst forth from the cave. She suddenly had an image of a mole, popping her head out of the underground darkness. Quickly she felt a kinship with that poor old mole.
Ferocious, untamed, Angela felt the force of the wind pound against her. She put her finger in her mouth. Once that finger was moist, Angela held it up in the air. It was a crude determiner but it worked for her purpose. Angela said, "Let's see. How does this work? Oh, right. You suck on your finger, get it wet, and then hold it up in the air. The wind is blowing from the North. That's good, because North winds don't do much damage."
Angela stood very still on the mountainside. She imagined herself a mighty Queen of Egypt. She was holding court. Standing tall and majestic she said, "I know that you would not have stolen bread for your family if someone had just reached out and helped you. Go in peace brother."
Angela's imaginary court faded away. Henry was there.
He grabbed her roughly by the ear and pulled her back into the cave. "You haven't the sense of a flea! Don't you know that people are trying to find you to put you in jail? I told you to stay put. I guess you're just too dumb to be trusted. Don't try that again. If you don't listen to me, I will turn you over to the police. I don't think you would last very long in jail. The others in there would kill you."
He tossed her onto the ground like a piece of trash. "You are trash you know. Nobody wanted you. They threw your naked butt onto the front of the orphanage and left you. The Matron of the Orphanage said that you were almost frozen to death by the time she heard you crying. You're very lucky that I keep you. Nobody else would want you. I only want you to get in the small places that I can't reach. When you get any bigger, well I don't keep things that I don't need."
Angela had a quick mental image of Henry shooting the woman that he had paid to act the role of her Mother. The woman had been foolish enough to think that Henry would actually pay for her assistance. The name that they had given the Matron was Helen. Angela knew that wasn't her real name. The woman seemed actually surprised when Henry pulled out his gun and shot her dead.
Henry then picked up her lifeless body. He had been living in a cave. There was a place in the cave with a drop so deep you could not see the bottom. This is where Henry put her body. "Nobody will ever even miss her. She was trash, like you Angela. Remember, this is what I do to trash. If you don't listen and do what I say, or if you try to run away, this is how I take out the trash."
Angela tried to obey Henry. On the other hand sometimes she just had to live. He was often gone for a very long time. Angela would stay in the cave for a few days but eventually she had to get out in the light, into the wind. Henry tried, usually successfully, to squelch any normal, healthy desires out of her. In his world she was only good to him when she did exactly what he said.
Henry never hit her. He also never hugged her. A useful tool was his mental description of Angela. He did not wish to have to train another useful tool. He starved her to keep her from growing. Angela no longer knew for certain how old she was. She knew that she was six years old when Henry adopted her. With no calendar to mark her passing years she had become completely confused about her age. Sometimes Henry told her that she was eight years old. Two weeks later he would tell her that she was ten. Once Angela was foolish enough to say, "Henry, a little while ago you told me that I was eight years old. How can I have gotten two years older in a couple of days?"
Henry looked at her with the coldest of disdain. "Girlie, I do NOT know what you're talking about. I never said anything about you being eight years old. Well, maybe I told you that when you actually WERE eight years old. You are a little too young for your brain not working right but I've heard of such things. You ARE getting a little too large. That means that you will only be eating tonight. As a matter of fact I will only feed you from now on at night. I can't have you get too large!"
"No Henry, I'm starving!" Angela stood upright and glared at Henry in challenge.
"Dumb girl, you know better than to talk back to me! You won't get to eat until TOMORROW evening now. If you quit talking back I might let you have some water today."
Henry had several reasons to not feed Angela much food. He wanted to retard her growth, keeping her weak kept her from trying to escape, and it saved him money to only feed himself. When he did feed Angela it was a pitifully small quantity of food.
Angela had seen looks of sympathy from others when they were in public. She knew that she looked sick. Sometimes when Henry actually let her out of the cave she would eat grass, or dirt. They didn't provide nutrition but just the action of chewing felt good. Angela began to eat bugs. It made her queasy at first but she was unbearably hungry. After a while it didn't even make her queasy. It also gave her a little strength and nutrition. She was very careful to hide her bug consumption from Henry.
Life had forced Angela to be strong. Clever, imaginative, and determined by nature she found ways to get around Henry's cruelty. Henry would order her to go into a grocery store and steal food. Sometimes, if the store was very busy and Henry was across the room from her, she would stuff food in her mouth and chew quickly. Once she had swallowed the food, Angela reasoned, Henry could not take it back.
One possibility that Henry had not considered is that even though Angela was far too thin, she still grew taller. Terrified that her growth would cause Henry to kill her Angela began to slump down. She hopeed that Henry would not notice her subterfuge.
Some nights Angela would wake herself up screaming, "No, don't kill me Henry!"
Henry would growl, "Shut up and go back to sleep."
Lying in the darkness of the cave Angela twisted and turned trying to find a comfortable position for her bony body. It was darker than a night sky. Her eyes would never adapt to the blackness. Even though she could not go back to sleep she would squeeze her eyes tightly shut. Her imagination would take her away, away from the cave, away from hunger, and most importantly, away from Henry.
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