Celeste's Journal

Christmas is coming again.  Not right away.  Autumn leaves are still covering the ground with a carpet of gold.  I love to go to the ranch.  Blake was very thoughtful about the trees that he planted around the house.  He planted several fire maples.  Their crimson loveliness is my favorite.  The leaves are shaped so delightfully.  They explode into brilliance when autumn arrives.

One day when I was watching just Jamie, I took a couple of quilts outside.  First we had a delightful picnic lunch.  We had bread, cheese, some grape juice, and some delicious apples.  Then Jamie fell asleep on the quilt.  I covered him with the other quilt.  I decided to snuggle next to him and watch the leaves waft gently from the trees, down, down onto us.

The next thing I knew Jamie was moving around awakening from his nap.  I felt absolutely the strongest contentment.  We had a blanket of brilliantly covered leaves over our quilt.  I told Jamie to hold still for just another moment.  I told him to watch the leaves over our heads.  The sun was shining through them.  We were far enough away from the ranch house, and yard that we couldn't hear the busy workers there.  Silence was complete.

True to his nature Jamie's stillness did not last very long.  He was up and raring to move!  So we gathered the quilts, shook them, and gathered all of our picnic foods.  I took Jamie in the house and we did a couple of chores.  I think a day needs to be balanced.  We do something fun, then a necessary task, then something fun, and then another necessary task.  I feel much more content with my life when I approach it in this manner.

Eric was soon home from school.  He and Jamie went outside to do one of their myriad daily chores.  Blake came in and talking me by the hand he led me outside.  He asked me to walk with him.  So we walked hand in hand along the path that leads to the river that runs through his ranch.  It was so beautiful.  God's hand was evident in the colors, textures, and smells of the season.

After we walked for about a half hour Blake turned me towards him and slowly, oh ever so slowly, pulled me close.  He kissed me.  A single shaft of wind blew the leaves around us as we kissed.  I never wanted that brilliant moment to end.  I will cherish this day for the rest of my life!

Writing?

I wake up in the morning thinking, what worlds will I create today?  As I format a new book, the character seems to speak to me.  (No, I am not quite delusional, ok, maybe just a little...hee hee).

My book, "Celeste, Women of the Drifting Anchor Ranch" is available on lulu.com   The Nook and Kindle formats are not yet available.  Anyone who lives in the locale around Farmington, Utah may purchase my books, "Beth, Women of the Drifting Anchor Ranch," or "Celeste, Women of the Drifting Anchor Ranch," at Aunt Addy's Country Home, 58 North Main Street, Farmington, UT.  There is a $3.00 price break.  Online it costs $19.99 plus shipping.  If you purchase your book at Aunt Addy's you can request a book signing for your book.  I will make arrangements to meet and sign.

I have NOT written or published these books in chronological order.  Eventually the order will be as follows, Ardis, Sarah, Celeste, Angela, Lily, Rose, Beth, and the novel to tie up any loose threads, Tapestry.  I write each book to stand alone.  On the other hand, each book fits together like pieces in a puzzle.

In addition, I love to give you a peek behind the scenes, here on my blog.  I will soon start to give a few behind the scenes for Angela, which is the next book to be published.  Angela is feisty, damaged, but wanting desperately to love and be loved.  Abandoned at an orphanage, adopted at the tender age of six by a murdering thief, forced into human slavery, she finds her redemption in the Calkin family of the Drifting Anchor Ranch.

As I write, I grow to love each and every one of my characters.  I LOVE to write.  The printed word is magical to me.  Think of how reading works.  Our eyes see letters, and words, and then our brain interprets the things that we see.  One word, one sentence, can mean something different to pretty much everyone that reads it.  I'm always thrilled when I create a sentence that dances right off the page, and creates joy.

Please, keep reading, and I will keep writing!  You know you're curious to find out more about the Calkin's and their ever so typical lives of the 19th century in Western America.  Thanks for all the support I have received in this process!

A book signing? Really?

It took me 25, long, insecure years to finally get the courage to publish.  Actually these books, these stories were formulating in my head long before that.  I just didn't think anyone would want to read my little books.  I couldn't even get my husband to read them!  To be fair he didn't read novels for the last 10 years of his life because of his many health challenges.  In addition, how many men do you know that want to read a book about gushy, mushy, romance? 

I had heard tales of authors claiming that their writing was driven by the voice of the characters they had created.  I thought that it was a charming idea, but let's face it, a little wacky.  AND THEN, Celeste.  I know very well that one of the first rules in writing is WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW!  I work earnestly to fulfill this standard.  When your story is filled with the passionate joy of words arriving and then being spread across paper, those words need to be from your experience right?

So I begin to write Celeste.  Let's see, oh I think I'll make the character from France.  That's the idea!  Her Father has followed a long generational line of Master Vintner's.  In France his chance of ever becoming Master of his OWN vineyard is zero to none.  He wishes to travel with his family to the reputedly fertile fields of Oregon to develop his own line of wines.

The family immigrate by ship.  While on board all of Celeste's family die.  Innocent at 14 she barely can speak English.  When she arrives at her families destination she has nowhere to go and nobody that she knows.  She is trapped into sexual slavery.

For those who know me, does that sound like something from my life?  I can joyfully announce, NOPE!  I have never faced those types of challenges.  I pray that I never will.

I was so startled by the first several chapters that I wrote that I put them away.  I didn't want to think about any of that awful stuff.  I am a firmly avowed "Happy ever after," sort of writer.  (Yes I DO know that life doesn't always seem to follow that pattern.  That is just when you are looking at life as a finite set of parameters.  When you open your mind to the possibility of eternity I firmly believe there WILL BE a "Happy Ever After."  The book "Celeste", didn't even seem like it COULD have a "Happy Ever After."

One week later I was watching a documentary with my husband.  (We loved watching them together).  I was stunned to find out that sexual slavery is at an all time high in our world today!  People are actually paid to troll the streets of America looking for unsupervised children that are easy prey.  HORRIFYING!  They also target the mentally challenged.  Even though their bodies have grown into adults, their minds are and always will be childlike.

I don't believe in focusing on fear.  I prefer the practice of faith.  Faith in God, in family, in the fact that this evening the sun will go down, but in the morning the sun will rise again.  Yet it is ever so important that we are educated about the subject of human bondage and sexual slavery.  It simply is no longer wise to leave our unsupervised children in the front yard to play.  Either we must be with them, or they must be in the backyard.  One story told about a child being two aisles away from his parents.  That was all it took for this predator to sexually abuse the child.

Children are our future!  Where would be if Mozart did not mature into his music?  How about Einstein and his mind boggling discoveries.  None of us knows what untold greatness the children in this world possess.  I forgot to mention one of the greatest losses this world would have known.  My beloved parents.  They were humble, but they were powerful.  They spent their money and lives serving others.

It takes only one heart-stopping-tragedy-engendering second to snatch a small child.  Please, watch over our children.  When I'm in a public place with children giggling and playing all over in front of me, I watch ever so carefully.  There will be nobody kidnapped when I'm around!

After watching that documentary I got my Celeste manuscript out and went back to writing.  I am now a believer that you can become so invested in a character that you feel as though they are writing the book.  Oh not some creepy "channeling" sort of way.  I do know that these people are fictional.   If I start to talk to you about these people as though they ARE alive, please stage an intervention and get me immediate help!

This book signing day has been an extremely long time in coming.  I never believed that it actually would.  (I'm working on that insecurity thing of mine).  So tomorrow I will be sitting in a comfy chair smiling brightly and hopefully signing many books.  What a thrill to have written two books.  I have a third novel coming out in the next several months.

My mind is filled with untold stories, and songs.  What a joy it is to create!

Celeste's Journal

Eric was with me for the weekend.  He's such a serious, thoughtful lad.  He's very protective of me, and of his younger brother Jamie.  One day he and Jamie were crossing the road.  A man came galloping into town on a horse.  He was traveling so quickly that he would have run down Jamie.  Jamie was frozen with fear.  Eric simply scooped Jamie up and moved him out of the way.

Blake, Red, and I were all startled at Eric's selflessness.  It's very unusual for a child his age to think of his brother's life first and his second.  I have no doubt that he will grow up to become an amazing man.

I'm often surprised by the maturity of Eric's questions.  Today he asked, "Maman, where did we live before we were born?  Did we come from Heaven?  If we did, what is Heaven?"

I responded, "Those are all excellent questions Eric.  Have you asked your Papa these questions?"

"He's always too busy. 

"Well your Father is a very important man Eric.  He has lots of responsibilities to accomplish each and every day."

"I know.  I just wish that maybe he could count me as one of the tasks that he marks off a list everyday.  I love my Papa, so much.  I would like to go fishing with him sometimes."

Celeste smiled.  "Did you know that I'm an excellent fisher?  I used to go fishing with my brother when we were young.  We never came home empty handed."

"Really Maman?  Would you take me fishing?"

"I have no appointments after 1 this afternoon.  Let's make a sign for the window, "Gone Fishing," lock the place up and go."

Suddenly Eric looked sad.  "I don't have a fishing pole."

I laughed, "Neither do I.  It's a good thing that I know how to make a fishing pole from a stick, and some string.  There are lots and lots of juicy worms where I like to fish.  Carter's Creek is a great place to fish.  With that tiny stream running into it there are lots and lots of fish."

We had a wonderful afternoon.  We caught some beautiful fish.  We took them home and cooked them.  I'm pretty sure that fresh fish are the most delicious food in the world!  I'm going to have a chat with Blake.  He needs to know how Eric feels.  Childhood is so short, and so precious, Blake really doesn't want to miss it!

Celeste Journal

I hold Jamie ever so close to my heart as I rock him.  He is boldly fighting sleep.  His eyelids began to droop downwards, but then he pulls them open again.  I begin to sing to him.  Little songs ma mere sang to me.  Tender verses about safety and love.

Jamie is so beautiful.  His hair is thick and black.  His eyes are a much darker brown than his Father's or Brother's.  Their brown is golden, like the syrup from a maple tree.  Sometimes when you look deep into Jamie's eyes you feel that there is no bottom to them.

His hair is so soft.  It feels as if you are stroking silk.  His lips are perfectly proportioned.  A perfect Cupid's bow is centered in his top lip.  Many people thought Jamie was a girl for the first two years of his life.  I wouldn't call him handsome.  I'd call him beautiful.  His skin is the loveliest shade of almond.  I have never seen  more perfect features on a male, adult, or child.  Even though I'm only  his "Foster" Mother I suppose that I might be a bit partial.  On the other hand he IS beautiful!

I wish that I could have met Sarah, Jamie's Mother when she was alive.  She was going to be, "The Leader of the People."  Her people, her heritage, readied her to lead the People.  The People was the name of her tribe of Indians.  She told Blake that her people had come long ago from Jerusalem to the new world.  In the Bible God calls those that follow Him, "The Chosen People."  Sarah said that along the many years the "Chosen," part was dropped from their tribal name.

She was betrothed at the tender age of ten to a handsome young man named Vanque.  He was two years older than Sarah.

When Vanque grew up he became the Leader of the Protector's.  The Protector's were not Warriors in the typical sense of the word.  In Sarah's life the Protector's had never waged war with other people.  They protected by teaching about planting, fishing, and hunting.  They also taught people about caring for their bodies.  They also showed by example the importance of worshiping the Great Spirit.  (Their name for God).  So the Protector's were a composite of hunter-gatherers, wise men, and doctors.  They had excellent battle skills that they never quit practicing, even though nobody in their lifetime had ever needed those skills. 

I must have thought about Sarah too much.  One night I dreamed that she came to me.  She was so lovely.  Looking at her I understood more about why Jamie is so beautiful.  She said, "Celeste, woman who Mothers my birth child Jamie, and my child of the heart Eric, I wish to honor and thank you.

"You need to know that I'm watching over you and over our children.  Please continue to love them.  You have the heart of a Protector.  You are fierce when you need to be, and gentle when you need to be.  In addition you are close to the Great Spirit.  I know that you pray to him often.  Sometimes I am close listening when you pray out loud."

"Please do not give up on Blake's love.  I am afraid that he will take a very long time to heal and marry you.  Be patient with Blake.  He is a very good man, and he needs a very good woman.  You are a very good woman.  It is an odd thing to try and find a new wife for your husband.  I will always love him.  On the other hand, he is so lonely.  He needs you, and you need him.  So again, be patient, please."

"I know that for most humans it can be difficult to believe that we live after death.  It's especially difficult to believe that we can visit the living after we are dead.  Knowing that, I'm leaving behind a tiny thing that will help you remember and believe."  Sarah leaned down.  Brushing hair away from Celeste's head she kissed the very highest point of her forehead.  "There, now you will remember.  Remember this Angel Kiss that I am leaving for you is very sacred.  It will always help you remember that there are angels watching over you and the family that we share.  I love you Celeste."

The dream was over.  I remember awakening feeling groggy as though I had not slept long the night before.  At first, I didn't remember the dream.

After I had dressed, made coffee and was sitting in a chair in my kitchen, the dream came flooding back.  Quickly I walked into the shop.  There is a large mirror that I placed on the wall.  Slowly I lifted my hair.  There was the faintest outline of a lip print.  I lowered myself into the nearest chair.  Sarah's ghostly visit couldn't have been real, could it?
 
 

Book Signing for Celeste

Two times before I have arranged to have a book signing for Beth, Women of the Drifting Anchor Ranch, and now my newest publication, Celeste, Women of the Drifting Anchor Ranch.  First my beloved Mama passed away so I had to postpone.  Then the owner of my venue became ill and had to close her store for several months.

The old saying is, "The third time is the charm."  So here we go, third time, and it WILL be charming!  Aunt Addy's Country Home, October 25, 2014, from 10 a.m. until 5 p.m.  The address is 58 N. Main, Farmington, UT  84025.  Both books will be on sale that day.  If you live in or around the area, please join us.

Aunt Addy's is a gift store.  So while you purchase my book you can do some Christmas shopping.  The shop is a charming home from the 1800's.  In the room that used to be the kitchen you can see a remarkable DIY project.  There are beautiful wood floors in all the rooms.  In this room a former owner painted the floor to look like tiles.  It's very well, done, charming.

Aunt Addy's is a consignment shop.  Many of the gifts that you purchase there are home made.  This is a marvelous way of supporting local craftsmen/women.  There is a gift for almost everyone within it's humble walls.  The best part?  The prices are quite reasonable.  So, come one, come all!  It's a book signing party!

Celeste's Journal

A week has passed since THE NIGHTMARE.  I have done my best to keep busy, busy, busy...too busy to let the past have purchase in my thoughts.  I stayed at the ranch this weekend to watch the children.  Red and Blake went on a business trip to Portland.

It was pure joy to awaken in the morning and race into the boys rooms.  I stood to watch the sleep slowly creep from their eyes.  I then awaken them fully with hugs and tickles.  The awakening process quickly turns into full scale battle.  Pillows are flung and bashed about.  Finally, finally, after much rejoicing and enjoying, I encourage the boys to wash up, and get dressed.

I take my own advice and dress for the day.  Next I race to the kitchen.  I relish the simply tasks of morning.  I make coffee for me, and hot cocoa for the boys.  I made a Quiche last night.  I start a fire in the stove.  The Quiche simply needs to be warmed in the oven.  It is filled with the most luscious things, bacon, ham, eggs, cheese, and some asparagus that I grew in my very own garden.

In the midst of this joy I could hear Mama's voice in my head telling me to pray.  Softly I say out loud, "I'm sorry to disappoint you Mama but I can't.  I still believe that God is either a hateful being, who rains down pain and destruction on whoever he randomly wishes.  At the very least God is high in his Heavens where he simply does not care about the small tragedies of the earth below."

Pushing those negative ideas aside I call out to the boys, "Breakfast!"

I can't believe how quickly their small legs can move.  Soon they join me in the kitchen.  I don't even have to ask them to set the table.  They quickly, quietly go about this routine morning task.

When the table is set and the food steaming in front of us I say, "Well, dig in boys." 

Eric's rich brown eyes look at me with shock.  "Maman, we can't eat without thanking God!"

In my head I counted to five slowly.  It is never my desire to cause these beloved boys to harbor MY bitter thoughts.  I counted to five to slow down my tongue that wished to rattle and prattle about God and his cruel ways.

When I knew that I was calm and in control of myself I said, "Eric, I'm sorry.  Maman DID forget.  Would you say grace?"  I figured that my little lie was better than the truth in this case.  I hadn't forgotten.  I hoped that the boys would forget. 

Every time that I hear a prayer it feels as though a tight little twist happens somewhere in the vicinity of my heart.  God allowed my entire family to die.  I was alone, and God allowed Madame Le Rouge to inflict evil on me.  I don't know if I can ever let myself feel vulnerable to God again!

Yet I felt a tender warmth as Eric, with his childish voice said, "Oh Father in Heaven, it's a new day.  Please come with us in this day.  Please let Maman know that we love her.  Thank thee Lord for sending us a new Maman. Oh, and bless this yummy food that Maman made for us.  We pray in Jesus name, Amen."

Jamie and I said, "Amen," at the same moment and then smiled at each other across the table.

I write this after the boys have gone to sleep for the night.  They were busy, busy, busy boys today.  Mostly I ran after them, and with them.  We went on a picnic.  There is a beautiful meadow not far from the the ranch house.  The weather was perfect.  Jamie gave a beautiful prayer of grace over this meal.

I was humbled at the notion that Jamie, little, tiny Jamie could, and did pray.  I had helped the boy's say their night time prayers many times.  These prayers were different than their simple night time verses, "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take..."  Then they would continue with, "God bless..." 

I try to be a good Maman to these boys even though usually it is from a distance.  At the same time I know that these boys give me much more than I ever give them. 

I wish that I could pray.  If I could I would pray for this beautiful family.  What a gift they are in my life.  I simply can no longer imagine life without each and every one of them.  Even Red has a strong place in my heart.  He is my brother.  He does not take the place of the dear brother I lost, he is altogether a different brother.

Blake, oh I sigh as I write his name.  He is not handsome as most would see him.  His features are slightly rough, a tad uneven.  His eyes are piercing.  Honestly, when he gazes at me sometimes I feel that he can see into my soul and read my thoughts.  That is most uncomfortable when my thoughts are, "I wish Blake could let go of the past and love me.  Marry me."  I don't want him to read THOSE thoughts.

Well, I needs must sleep.  There are not many hours left in the night and I need my rest to enable me to keep up with my energetic, frenetic boys!  Good night.