Celeste's Journal

The candles on the Christmas tree were magical tonight.  It is Christmas Eve.  I can not believe how quickly this last year has come and gone.  As always I feel nostalgic on this night.  In our family it was so wonderful.  There were years when we had very little of material possessions.  It was the love that we shared, the faith of my parents that brought a warmth I will remember always.

Blake and I shared the ritual of putting the boys to bed.  Blake reads a story.  I tell a story, (I'm still not very good at reading English), and then we sing two songs that they choose.  They go to sleep wrapped up in our love.

After the boys were thoroughly tucked in to their beds, Blake took me by the hand and led me downstairs.  When we were putting the boys to bed he had put the fires out of the candles.  He NEVER would leave them burning unattended.  He lit them again now.

We sat in his oh so comfortable settee in front of the fireplace.  I love snuggling close to Blake.  He feels so strong, so powerful, I treasure those moments.  I feel protected, beloved, and in the times when I am away from this family I cling to those memories.

I thought maybe, just maybe, this would be the time that Blake would finally propose.  It has been several years since I ran away from Madame LeRouge.  Jamie is almost five years old.  Eric is in school.  He loves school, and always gets wonderful grades for all of his topics.  Eric brings home work that he doesn't need to do but loves to do.  Miss Cready raves and rants about this marvelous boy.  She believes that he will someday do miraculous things for our world.

I KNOW that both of these boys, MY boys, have infinite potential.   I am grateful every single day for their presence in my life.

At first when I lived in town in my charming shop, I would worry about what people would think about my staying at the ranch with two men.  Then I realized that no matter what I did, those people relished thinking the worst about me.  I have given up caring about the opinions of these narrow minded judgmental people.  (Well most of the time anyway).

Snuggling so close with Blake I felt passions beginning to rise.  I did my best to squash them down.  I will never again experience intimacy without marriage.  My lack of celibacy was forced upon me.  It will not happen again.  I do NOT believe in that form of love  before marriage.  A child should be blessed to come into a loving family, not some single woman who has a most uncertain future!  Ah, wishful thinking, the good doctor told me, after Angel was born, that I could never again bear a child.

Blake and I kissed for a few moments.  He took my face in his hands and said, "Celeste, I am grateful every day that we found each other.  You are the best Mother these boys could have."  Then he stopped, cold.  A distant look came on his face.  He stood and said, "Well it's been a lovely day but we'd best get the presents out, and prepare for the morning, don't you think?"

I wish that Blake would get rid of that iron wall he hides behind.  I know that telling me 'I'm the BEST Mother the boys could have,' reminded him of the two women that he lost that WERE the children's 'Best Mother.'"

We gathered the toys from Blake's hiding places.  We placed them carefully on the comfortable settee in the great room.  Next we filled beautiful velvety socks with apples, walnuts, an orange for each boy, and some ribbon candy.  I love the beauty of this unique candy even better than the taste.

I'm weary.  I have sewn like mad this last week.  I had so many orders to fill.  Finally, with my protests Blake hired Sophronia Evans to come and help me.  She is an amazing seamstress.  She's also remarkably pregnant.  Bless her heart, she can barely waddle.  I remember what it was like to carry a child, my Angel.  I will always treasure those memories, until we can find her.  I will never give up trying to find her!

It's after two in the morning.  I know the boys will be awake earlier than early.  Their minds will be filled with the possibilities that Christmas Morning brings.  I've already tried to sleep.  I must admit, my mind may also be filled with wondrous possibilities.  Could Blake have a ring under the tree?  Could this be the time, the day, when he stops living in the past and wishes to love me in the present?

****(This is a note from the author of the Drifting Anchor Series).  You may notice that Celeste says she can't read English very well.  You also must imagine that her journal is actually written in her Native French.  Since I don't speak French beyond a casual Merci Beaucoup, I include this note only as an explanation how she can write in English when she can't read it.

Celeste's Journal

Christmas is coming again.  Not right away.  Autumn leaves are still covering the ground with a carpet of gold.  I love to go to the ranch.  Blake was very thoughtful about the trees that he planted around the house.  He planted several fire maples.  Their crimson loveliness is my favorite.  The leaves are shaped so delightfully.  They explode into brilliance when autumn arrives.

One day when I was watching just Jamie, I took a couple of quilts outside.  First we had a delightful picnic lunch.  We had bread, cheese, some grape juice, and some delicious apples.  Then Jamie fell asleep on the quilt.  I covered him with the other quilt.  I decided to snuggle next to him and watch the leaves waft gently from the trees, down, down onto us.

The next thing I knew Jamie was moving around awakening from his nap.  I felt absolutely the strongest contentment.  We had a blanket of brilliantly covered leaves over our quilt.  I told Jamie to hold still for just another moment.  I told him to watch the leaves over our heads.  The sun was shining through them.  We were far enough away from the ranch house, and yard that we couldn't hear the busy workers there.  Silence was complete.

True to his nature Jamie's stillness did not last very long.  He was up and raring to move!  So we gathered the quilts, shook them, and gathered all of our picnic foods.  I took Jamie in the house and we did a couple of chores.  I think a day needs to be balanced.  We do something fun, then a necessary task, then something fun, and then another necessary task.  I feel much more content with my life when I approach it in this manner.

Eric was soon home from school.  He and Jamie went outside to do one of their myriad daily chores.  Blake came in and talking me by the hand he led me outside.  He asked me to walk with him.  So we walked hand in hand along the path that leads to the river that runs through his ranch.  It was so beautiful.  God's hand was evident in the colors, textures, and smells of the season.

After we walked for about a half hour Blake turned me towards him and slowly, oh ever so slowly, pulled me close.  He kissed me.  A single shaft of wind blew the leaves around us as we kissed.  I never wanted that brilliant moment to end.  I will cherish this day for the rest of my life!

Writing?

I wake up in the morning thinking, what worlds will I create today?  As I format a new book, the character seems to speak to me.  (No, I am not quite delusional, ok, maybe just a little...hee hee).

My book, "Celeste, Women of the Drifting Anchor Ranch" is available on lulu.com   The Nook and Kindle formats are not yet available.  Anyone who lives in the locale around Farmington, Utah may purchase my books, "Beth, Women of the Drifting Anchor Ranch," or "Celeste, Women of the Drifting Anchor Ranch," at Aunt Addy's Country Home, 58 North Main Street, Farmington, UT.  There is a $3.00 price break.  Online it costs $19.99 plus shipping.  If you purchase your book at Aunt Addy's you can request a book signing for your book.  I will make arrangements to meet and sign.

I have NOT written or published these books in chronological order.  Eventually the order will be as follows, Ardis, Sarah, Celeste, Angela, Lily, Rose, Beth, and the novel to tie up any loose threads, Tapestry.  I write each book to stand alone.  On the other hand, each book fits together like pieces in a puzzle.

In addition, I love to give you a peek behind the scenes, here on my blog.  I will soon start to give a few behind the scenes for Angela, which is the next book to be published.  Angela is feisty, damaged, but wanting desperately to love and be loved.  Abandoned at an orphanage, adopted at the tender age of six by a murdering thief, forced into human slavery, she finds her redemption in the Calkin family of the Drifting Anchor Ranch.

As I write, I grow to love each and every one of my characters.  I LOVE to write.  The printed word is magical to me.  Think of how reading works.  Our eyes see letters, and words, and then our brain interprets the things that we see.  One word, one sentence, can mean something different to pretty much everyone that reads it.  I'm always thrilled when I create a sentence that dances right off the page, and creates joy.

Please, keep reading, and I will keep writing!  You know you're curious to find out more about the Calkin's and their ever so typical lives of the 19th century in Western America.  Thanks for all the support I have received in this process!

A book signing? Really?

It took me 25, long, insecure years to finally get the courage to publish.  Actually these books, these stories were formulating in my head long before that.  I just didn't think anyone would want to read my little books.  I couldn't even get my husband to read them!  To be fair he didn't read novels for the last 10 years of his life because of his many health challenges.  In addition, how many men do you know that want to read a book about gushy, mushy, romance? 

I had heard tales of authors claiming that their writing was driven by the voice of the characters they had created.  I thought that it was a charming idea, but let's face it, a little wacky.  AND THEN, Celeste.  I know very well that one of the first rules in writing is WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW!  I work earnestly to fulfill this standard.  When your story is filled with the passionate joy of words arriving and then being spread across paper, those words need to be from your experience right?

So I begin to write Celeste.  Let's see, oh I think I'll make the character from France.  That's the idea!  Her Father has followed a long generational line of Master Vintner's.  In France his chance of ever becoming Master of his OWN vineyard is zero to none.  He wishes to travel with his family to the reputedly fertile fields of Oregon to develop his own line of wines.

The family immigrate by ship.  While on board all of Celeste's family die.  Innocent at 14 she barely can speak English.  When she arrives at her families destination she has nowhere to go and nobody that she knows.  She is trapped into sexual slavery.

For those who know me, does that sound like something from my life?  I can joyfully announce, NOPE!  I have never faced those types of challenges.  I pray that I never will.

I was so startled by the first several chapters that I wrote that I put them away.  I didn't want to think about any of that awful stuff.  I am a firmly avowed "Happy ever after," sort of writer.  (Yes I DO know that life doesn't always seem to follow that pattern.  That is just when you are looking at life as a finite set of parameters.  When you open your mind to the possibility of eternity I firmly believe there WILL BE a "Happy Ever After."  The book "Celeste", didn't even seem like it COULD have a "Happy Ever After."

One week later I was watching a documentary with my husband.  (We loved watching them together).  I was stunned to find out that sexual slavery is at an all time high in our world today!  People are actually paid to troll the streets of America looking for unsupervised children that are easy prey.  HORRIFYING!  They also target the mentally challenged.  Even though their bodies have grown into adults, their minds are and always will be childlike.

I don't believe in focusing on fear.  I prefer the practice of faith.  Faith in God, in family, in the fact that this evening the sun will go down, but in the morning the sun will rise again.  Yet it is ever so important that we are educated about the subject of human bondage and sexual slavery.  It simply is no longer wise to leave our unsupervised children in the front yard to play.  Either we must be with them, or they must be in the backyard.  One story told about a child being two aisles away from his parents.  That was all it took for this predator to sexually abuse the child.

Children are our future!  Where would be if Mozart did not mature into his music?  How about Einstein and his mind boggling discoveries.  None of us knows what untold greatness the children in this world possess.  I forgot to mention one of the greatest losses this world would have known.  My beloved parents.  They were humble, but they were powerful.  They spent their money and lives serving others.

It takes only one heart-stopping-tragedy-engendering second to snatch a small child.  Please, watch over our children.  When I'm in a public place with children giggling and playing all over in front of me, I watch ever so carefully.  There will be nobody kidnapped when I'm around!

After watching that documentary I got my Celeste manuscript out and went back to writing.  I am now a believer that you can become so invested in a character that you feel as though they are writing the book.  Oh not some creepy "channeling" sort of way.  I do know that these people are fictional.   If I start to talk to you about these people as though they ARE alive, please stage an intervention and get me immediate help!

This book signing day has been an extremely long time in coming.  I never believed that it actually would.  (I'm working on that insecurity thing of mine).  So tomorrow I will be sitting in a comfy chair smiling brightly and hopefully signing many books.  What a thrill to have written two books.  I have a third novel coming out in the next several months.

My mind is filled with untold stories, and songs.  What a joy it is to create!

Celeste's Journal

Eric was with me for the weekend.  He's such a serious, thoughtful lad.  He's very protective of me, and of his younger brother Jamie.  One day he and Jamie were crossing the road.  A man came galloping into town on a horse.  He was traveling so quickly that he would have run down Jamie.  Jamie was frozen with fear.  Eric simply scooped Jamie up and moved him out of the way.

Blake, Red, and I were all startled at Eric's selflessness.  It's very unusual for a child his age to think of his brother's life first and his second.  I have no doubt that he will grow up to become an amazing man.

I'm often surprised by the maturity of Eric's questions.  Today he asked, "Maman, where did we live before we were born?  Did we come from Heaven?  If we did, what is Heaven?"

I responded, "Those are all excellent questions Eric.  Have you asked your Papa these questions?"

"He's always too busy. 

"Well your Father is a very important man Eric.  He has lots of responsibilities to accomplish each and every day."

"I know.  I just wish that maybe he could count me as one of the tasks that he marks off a list everyday.  I love my Papa, so much.  I would like to go fishing with him sometimes."

Celeste smiled.  "Did you know that I'm an excellent fisher?  I used to go fishing with my brother when we were young.  We never came home empty handed."

"Really Maman?  Would you take me fishing?"

"I have no appointments after 1 this afternoon.  Let's make a sign for the window, "Gone Fishing," lock the place up and go."

Suddenly Eric looked sad.  "I don't have a fishing pole."

I laughed, "Neither do I.  It's a good thing that I know how to make a fishing pole from a stick, and some string.  There are lots and lots of juicy worms where I like to fish.  Carter's Creek is a great place to fish.  With that tiny stream running into it there are lots and lots of fish."

We had a wonderful afternoon.  We caught some beautiful fish.  We took them home and cooked them.  I'm pretty sure that fresh fish are the most delicious food in the world!  I'm going to have a chat with Blake.  He needs to know how Eric feels.  Childhood is so short, and so precious, Blake really doesn't want to miss it!

Celeste Journal

I hold Jamie ever so close to my heart as I rock him.  He is boldly fighting sleep.  His eyelids began to droop downwards, but then he pulls them open again.  I begin to sing to him.  Little songs ma mere sang to me.  Tender verses about safety and love.

Jamie is so beautiful.  His hair is thick and black.  His eyes are a much darker brown than his Father's or Brother's.  Their brown is golden, like the syrup from a maple tree.  Sometimes when you look deep into Jamie's eyes you feel that there is no bottom to them.

His hair is so soft.  It feels as if you are stroking silk.  His lips are perfectly proportioned.  A perfect Cupid's bow is centered in his top lip.  Many people thought Jamie was a girl for the first two years of his life.  I wouldn't call him handsome.  I'd call him beautiful.  His skin is the loveliest shade of almond.  I have never seen  more perfect features on a male, adult, or child.  Even though I'm only  his "Foster" Mother I suppose that I might be a bit partial.  On the other hand he IS beautiful!

I wish that I could have met Sarah, Jamie's Mother when she was alive.  She was going to be, "The Leader of the People."  Her people, her heritage, readied her to lead the People.  The People was the name of her tribe of Indians.  She told Blake that her people had come long ago from Jerusalem to the new world.  In the Bible God calls those that follow Him, "The Chosen People."  Sarah said that along the many years the "Chosen," part was dropped from their tribal name.

She was betrothed at the tender age of ten to a handsome young man named Vanque.  He was two years older than Sarah.

When Vanque grew up he became the Leader of the Protector's.  The Protector's were not Warriors in the typical sense of the word.  In Sarah's life the Protector's had never waged war with other people.  They protected by teaching about planting, fishing, and hunting.  They also taught people about caring for their bodies.  They also showed by example the importance of worshiping the Great Spirit.  (Their name for God).  So the Protector's were a composite of hunter-gatherers, wise men, and doctors.  They had excellent battle skills that they never quit practicing, even though nobody in their lifetime had ever needed those skills. 

I must have thought about Sarah too much.  One night I dreamed that she came to me.  She was so lovely.  Looking at her I understood more about why Jamie is so beautiful.  She said, "Celeste, woman who Mothers my birth child Jamie, and my child of the heart Eric, I wish to honor and thank you.

"You need to know that I'm watching over you and over our children.  Please continue to love them.  You have the heart of a Protector.  You are fierce when you need to be, and gentle when you need to be.  In addition you are close to the Great Spirit.  I know that you pray to him often.  Sometimes I am close listening when you pray out loud."

"Please do not give up on Blake's love.  I am afraid that he will take a very long time to heal and marry you.  Be patient with Blake.  He is a very good man, and he needs a very good woman.  You are a very good woman.  It is an odd thing to try and find a new wife for your husband.  I will always love him.  On the other hand, he is so lonely.  He needs you, and you need him.  So again, be patient, please."

"I know that for most humans it can be difficult to believe that we live after death.  It's especially difficult to believe that we can visit the living after we are dead.  Knowing that, I'm leaving behind a tiny thing that will help you remember and believe."  Sarah leaned down.  Brushing hair away from Celeste's head she kissed the very highest point of her forehead.  "There, now you will remember.  Remember this Angel Kiss that I am leaving for you is very sacred.  It will always help you remember that there are angels watching over you and the family that we share.  I love you Celeste."

The dream was over.  I remember awakening feeling groggy as though I had not slept long the night before.  At first, I didn't remember the dream.

After I had dressed, made coffee and was sitting in a chair in my kitchen, the dream came flooding back.  Quickly I walked into the shop.  There is a large mirror that I placed on the wall.  Slowly I lifted my hair.  There was the faintest outline of a lip print.  I lowered myself into the nearest chair.  Sarah's ghostly visit couldn't have been real, could it?
 
 

Book Signing for Celeste

Two times before I have arranged to have a book signing for Beth, Women of the Drifting Anchor Ranch, and now my newest publication, Celeste, Women of the Drifting Anchor Ranch.  First my beloved Mama passed away so I had to postpone.  Then the owner of my venue became ill and had to close her store for several months.

The old saying is, "The third time is the charm."  So here we go, third time, and it WILL be charming!  Aunt Addy's Country Home, October 25, 2014, from 10 a.m. until 5 p.m.  The address is 58 N. Main, Farmington, UT  84025.  Both books will be on sale that day.  If you live in or around the area, please join us.

Aunt Addy's is a gift store.  So while you purchase my book you can do some Christmas shopping.  The shop is a charming home from the 1800's.  In the room that used to be the kitchen you can see a remarkable DIY project.  There are beautiful wood floors in all the rooms.  In this room a former owner painted the floor to look like tiles.  It's very well, done, charming.

Aunt Addy's is a consignment shop.  Many of the gifts that you purchase there are home made.  This is a marvelous way of supporting local craftsmen/women.  There is a gift for almost everyone within it's humble walls.  The best part?  The prices are quite reasonable.  So, come one, come all!  It's a book signing party!